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    What Office Jargon Actually Means

    Don't forget to loop me on this one.

    If you work in an office, you've probably received an email that looks kinda like this:

    And it probably made you feel kind of like...

    Luckily, we can offer some assistance. Here are some easy to comprehend definitions for the most common business-speak:

    "Best practices" = Rules.

    "Check in" = Just making sure you have a pulse.

    "Circle the wagons" = Have a meeting where approximately half of the attendees don't care about this issue and will be looking at the internet while you're talking.

    "Chat" = An unnatural and formal conversation wearing a fun and informal costume.

    "Core competencies" = The stuff executives are good at (usually "networking," see below).

    "Double down" = Work overtime.

    "Ducks in a row" = shit together.

    "For future reference" = for me to archive in gmail and not be able to find later.

    "Leverage" = Take advantage.

    "Loop me" = I am insecure about my position and I need to be needlessly included in as many things as possible.

    "Move the needle" = Actually accomplish something, ANYTHING, please.

    "Networking" = Like partying, but for work.

    "No brainer" = Since you haven't already done or thought about this, you're already in trouble.

    "Reach out" = Send an email.

    "Run the numbers" = ask someone who understands this.

    "Shoot me an email" = You better fucking send an email about this as SOON as it's done or I'm putting you back on my secret list.

    "Table this" = Never speak of this again.

    "Thanks in advance!" = I hate you.

    "Touching base" = You didn't respond to my last three emails, where the fuck are you?

    "Use case" = I don't really think your idea makes any sense but maybe you can explain an actual real world application of it that will mean something.

    "Value add" = a secret sign to make sure as many people as possible know exactly what good things you've done and what you bring to the company, because they haven't been paying attention.