24 Things No One Tells You About Leaving Texas

Once you leave heaven, earth just isn’t all that.

1. Other ice creams will never quench your desire for this…

NEVER.

2. No one outside of Texas understands that Friday Night Lights was originally NONfiction.

High school football is forever, y’all.

3. You open every party fridge expecting to see this, and it’s never there.

What is “Yuengling” and how do I pronounce it?

4. You can’t find these when you’re hungover.

For some inexplicable reason other mineral water just isn’t the same.

5. WHY ON EARTH WOULDN’T THE ENTIRE WORLD HAVE KOLACHES?

What is wrong with you people? Czech Stop should be a national treasure.

6. People think you’re weird for keeping lime salt in your purse.

Twang!!!

7. People in other places think “tubing” involves actual rapids/difficulty.

Hello, the hardest thing about tubing should be making sure there’s an extra tube for beer.

8. People look at you funny when you refer to groups as “y’all.”

IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE, Y’ALL.

9. You’ll never coincidentally pass one of these, still open at 3 a.m., exactly when you need it most.

Give me spicy ketchup or give me death.

10. You don’t even want to bother with other water parks.

Because you know they can’t compare to Schlitterbahn.

11. When you ask for a coke, they just bring you one instead of asking what kind.

“Soda”?!?!

12. Your new friends assume you rode a horse to school every day and that everyone is a cowboy.

And if you DID ride horses, you miss that too!

13. Fields stay green all year long instead of blooming into a hundred colors.

My kingdom for some blue hills.

14. You can’t even find the Big Dipper in the sky.

Much less see anything like this.

15. There’s literally nowhere else in the country where you can drive this fast.

…and it’s SO HARD NOT TO.

16. When you order iced tea they bring you sugarless, bitter crap.

Because sweet tea isn’t even a thing in other places. Heathens.

17. December doesn’t look like this anywhere else in the USA.

Even in places where it stays warm, no one is grillin’.

18. FOR SOME UNKNOWABLE REASON, BREAKFAST TACOS AREN’T A THING EVERYWHERE.

And if you can find them, they’re overcomplicated and bad.

19. NO, THEY AREN’T “EXACTLY THE SAME.”

Dr. Skipper, you’re not fooling me.

20. You can’t ever find a radio station that plays REAL good country music.

And no, country isn’t just for rednecks. Ever heard of Willie Nelson?

21. People think that having “state pride” is weird and they have no idea why you talk about Texas so much.

It’s just special, OK?!

22. Your friends don’t love you enough to send you a care package that looks like this:

Or, if they do (!), you’re so emotionally overwhelmed by it that you are a wreck for days.

23. You feel claustrophobic no matter where you go, because nothing is as wide open as the Texas sky.

Why is it bigger there than it is anywhere else? A mystery I’ll never understand.

24. Mostly, though: No matter where you go and how far you travel, you never really feel like you’re HOME until you’re back in Texas.

Sigh.

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