I would like to apologise for your shabby treatment in Christchurch and perhaps explain some of the reasons for it. First of all, as you rightfully observe, Christchurch is completely populated by 15-year-old Goths and the middle aged and sunburnt. It is a fact Christchurch citizens want to hide that on one’s 16th birthday, you gain 30 years, 50 pounds, and melanoma while losing hair and teeth. Scientists are unsure why this happens but suspect a diet deficient in bagels. This explains why it was impossible for you to make friends. Relax, it wasn’t your fault. The depression caused by overnight aging may explain but not excuse their general surliness. They should have listened in admiration as someone from the centre of the universe gently told them of their ignorance of the correct names of common objects or of their silly habit of wearing summer clothes in December. Single handed you could have lifted the mediocrity of an entire city but sadly it was not to be. Typical of Christchurch stubbornness is their persistence in driving on the left. How can you be responsible for an accident when you are driving on the right side of the road just like you would in New York? I mean, why should you have to adapt and change just because you move to another country?
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