1. God, I hope that person isn’t sitting next to me on the flight.
2. There’s no way that bag is fitting in the overhead compartment.
3. Come on, lady. It obviously isn’t gonna fit.
4. I would hate to be a flight attendant.
5. Oh, she’s cute. I hope she’s sitting next to me.
6. No, no, no, not you.
7. Someone’s baby already started crying. Great.
8. Oh, there’s a second child. Perfect.
9. At least there’s a TV on the plane.
10. Sir, could you maybe not put your butt in my face while storing your overhead luggage? Thanks.
11. That’s probably the most action I’ll get all week.
12. Great, we’re finally getting ready to leave.
13. Hmm. Does anyone actually pay attention to these safety instructions?
14. Of course I’m gonna put my own oxygen mask on before helping anyone else.
15. I wonder what that Hudson River pilot is up to now.
16. I’m so thirsty.
17. All alcohols should be free on planes.
18. How long until the flight attendant starts serving drinks?
19. What if there are snakes on this motherfucking plane?
20. OK, looks like we’re ready to take off. Calm down.
21. I’m not even gonna turn off my cell phone.
22. Wait, what if the plane actually crashes ‘cause I didn’t turn off my phone?
23. Never mind, we’re in the air now. Phew.
24. Oh, thanks for reclining your seat into my lap, sir. Don’t worry. I didn’t need any legroom.
25. Why is the person next to me reciting their life story?
26. Time to put on my headphones so people don’t think they have the right to talk to me.
27. I’m gonna get so much work done on this flight.
28. OK, time for some TV.
29. The Big Bang Theory? Really? Dammit.
30. Hmm. Featuring Cast Away as the in-flight entertainment probably wasn’t this airline’s best idea.
31. Wait. What if the plane actually crashes?
32. Maybe I should have paid attention to all those security announcements.
33. Eh, I’ll probably be fine.
34. Oh, here comes the flight attendant with the drink cart.
35. Thanks for serving me 24 ice cubes and one sip of apple juice. I really appreciate it.
36. I’m so hungry. I hope there’s food.
37. Wait, they still serve peanuts on planes? What if someone has a peanut allergy?
38. Oh my god. What if someone has a heart attack on the plane?
39. What if I have a heart attack on the plane?
40. What if Beyonce is in first class right now?
41. I wonder if anyone’s ever had sex on this plane.
42. How does that even work? Like, there’s barely enough room for one person in the bathroom, let alone two.
43. Man, I’m exhausted.
44. What the hell am I gonna do for the next two hours?
45. Great, now I have to get up so this guy can pee.
46. Does no one else pee before we get on the plane?
47. I should have gotten the window seat.
48. Why is everyone coughing? I hope I don’t get sick.
49. And now he’s back. I wonder if he washed his hands.
50. Hmm. Should I rewatch that episode of The Big Bang Theory again?
51. My butt is getting numb from sitting for so long.
52. Time to watch what the person next to me does on their phone.
53. Oh my god. What if there’s a bomb on the plane?
54. Wait. I bet everyone can tell that I just thought about the word “bomb.”
55. What if they kick me off the plane?
56. Or what if we crash-land on an island?
57. I should binge-watch Lost when I get home.
58. I wonder what happened to Amelia Earhart.
59. OK, time to descend. That’s right, sir, put your damn seat back up.
60. Wait. They didn’t even serve any food.
61. We landed. Phew.
62. Oh, so we’re clapping now? Were we really that uncertain that we’d land safely?
63. Time to pretend to turn on my cell phone and check my email.
64. Not sure why everyone stands up and tries to get their luggage at the same time, but all right…
65. Oh, and hello to your butt again, sir.
66. Hmm. I wonder what the outside temperature is.
67. Damn. I got zero work done. Cool.
68. Flying is the worst.
- Planned Parenthood officials said they believed Friday's shooting at a Colorado Springs clinic was motivated by opposition to abortion. ›