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1. We haven't quite got the hang of alfresco dining
2. But we know how to let our hair down
3. There's no end of options for a wild night out
4. Everyone is catered for, whether you're a computer nerd
5. A medical student
6. A meat lover
7. Or the next Simon Cowell
8. A bit of chintz improves everything
9. No piece of outdoor furniture is complete without a touching tribute for the deceased
10. And we tend our memorials lovingly
11. Vandals are creatures of subtle wit
12. There are few things more disturbing than abandoned childrens' clothes
13. Or the way people choose to display them
14. But they're just trying to be helpful really
15. Our love of dogs DOES NOT extend to their mess
16. Or those who fail to dispose of it properly
17. We regard the toilet habits of humans with suspicion too
18. Drinking helps us unwind after a hard day at work
19. And there are no shortage of great places to enjoy your favourite tipple
20. Our music industry has some pretty slick marketing campaigns
21. Our God loves a tenuous analogy
22. And a topical reference
23. Or a confused pun
24. But especially a combination of all the above
25. You should never entrust your most precious possessions to anyone
26. Because we're pretty absent-minded really
27. It's a jungle out there
28. A lack of appropriate equipment never stands in the way of making a sign
29. Or the ability to write, spell or make your mind up what you want to say
30. And so, with such beauty all around, it's no surprise we're fastidious about keeping Britain tidy
31. So long as rubbish is filed tidily away we're happy
32. Though of course we handle transgressions with charactaristic British reserve
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