1. Welcome to the land of “I will follow you until death do us part” salesmen.
2. Please be dressed in your most SADUU clothes ever.
Because purchasing aukaat is equally proportionate to your apparel.
3. Feel free to ignore the House of 50 Cent Rappers, who roll like, “Sau Rupay Mein Teen, Sau Rupay Mein Teen, Sau Rupay Mein Teen”.
Unless you need to gift something to your fake-best-friend, with whom you take all your pout-selfies with.
4. Its time to scan through enough options to clothe the Global Population.
It takes time to spot that fake-yet-real Zara-Mango.
5. After spotting your dream dress, just hold in that CHINDI EXCITEMENT of yours.
6. You want to put your Janani Mode on for this business deal that will define the number of Facebook friend requests you will receive after tonight.
“Oh bhaaayaa, arre oh bhaaya, kitne kaaa?”
7. Yes, now show your pretentious *amazed* face because really, how can YOU afford a dress worth Rs.600?!
(Last night Instagram update #foodporn #TheLalit #yummyinmytummy #everydayscenes )
8. Also, don’t forget to try it over your clothes and still feel naked (because you’re in India).
9. You might need your friend to hold your shirt down because 2 square cm skin-show is also “against Indian culture,” you know.
10. Haters gonna hate, fakers gonna fake.
Now take that piece of rag in your hand and insult the shit out of it, up and down. Tell him you DON’T want it, but you’ll still take it. (Cue soundtrack: I hate you like I love you)
11. Next try the alien move, where you start walking away with the faith of being called back.
A globally approved measure of bargaining.
12. At Rs.300 try the ‘I am cashless and live on the road’ face.
It’s all up to you, ladies.
If you can believe (you’re chindi), you can achieve (you’re chindi).
14. Just make your purchase quick because Sarojni shakes after every 30minutes.
Past infinite years, the never-seen fine takers force the stalls to shutdown for 2-3 minutes precisely.