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Posted on Jun 25, 2014

Can Heterosexual Men And Women Ever Be "Just Friends?"

Harry Potter and Friends have shown both sides of this argument but what do you think?

by smackgowan

Community Contributor

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According to Adrian F. Ward's Scientific American article, men are more attracted to their female friends than vice versa. Men are also more likely than women to think that their opposite-sex friends are attracted to them. Men's estimation of how attractive they are to their female friends has nothing to do with how these women actually feel but almost everything to do with how the men themselves feel- basically, males assume that any romantic attraction they experience is mutual, and are blind to the actual level of romantic interest felt by their female friends.

Women, too, are blind to the mindset of their opposite-sex friends; because females generally are not attracted to their male friends, they assume that this lack of attraction is mutual. As a result, men consistently overestimate the level of attraction felt by their female friends and women consistently underestimate the level of attraction felt by their male friends.

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Girls seem to be able to keep a friendship platonic but it isn't always the case. There are occasions where a girl has feelings for her friend but keeps it to herself. Things don't work out because the girl doesn't share her feelings or the guy and girl like each other at different points in their friendship.

But sometimes the feelings happen when the friend gets a girlfriend. It is unclear whether these are true feelings for him or the fear of being disconnected from the attention they're used to.

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Cosmopolitan featured an article "Guy + Girl = just friends?", in which social psychologist, Dr Dina McMillan, agrees that it is definitely possible to keep things platonic. She states: "When men and women are successful as friends their relationship is more like siblings. The bond is very close and lasting." So if you're worried about not wearing makeup or burping around him you should reevaluate your friendship.

According to Psychology Today, friendship between men and women is not impossible. It requires finding someone with friendship goals matching your own. Also, if you desire "just friends", then it may be better to pick only friends who are already in other romantic relationship. That way, you can have a satisfying exchange, a good friend, and no frustration.