Start to gather materials. Search eBay for a too-realistic toy machine gun, all the while feeling like a dirty criminal. Spend far too much time and energy choosing your fake firearm. Should you get a gun that lights up and makes noise? Probably.
Scour Etsy for sellers who use PVC and faux leather and grommets in their handmade garments, and commission the talented Olga of Decadent Designs to make you a custom Cherry Darling outfit that will give you slightly more coverage than you would be offered by a red and black Ziploc sandwich bag.
Here’s how the casting has to happen: Change into a pair of bike shorts, and, instead of pushing your right leg all the way through the leghole, keep your leg bent, allowing the spandex of the short to press your calf/heel to the back of your thigh/booty. Then you wrap an ace bandage tightly around your waist, pulling the leg closer into itself.
Then, with a compression sock acting as a barrier between your leg and the casting tape, have the doc (or a friend who doesn’t mind working with messy fiberglass) build the cast around your leg while it is bent together. Leave a small opening at the bottom through which you will eventually push the butt of your massive toy gun.
The panda headband isn’t crucial to the process, but I like to think it helps.
When fully dry, pull off the cast and wedge the gun through the hole by the knee.
Secure the gun to the “stump” using more casting tape.
Revel in your craftsmanship.
Bend back your leg and secure foot behind you with an Ace bandage.
Pull on the inner stocking and pull up the cast (with help).
And voila! That wasn’t so hard, now was it? Okay, yes it was.
Occasionally you will also need your friends to, say, to carry you from one end of your apartment to the other.
- David Fry, the last of the Oregon wildlife refuge occupiers, has surrendered to the FBI, ending a 40-day protest.