1. Every morning, you wake up to this sound:
Old school mosquito net repairmen are really shouty about their wares.
2. Brush your teeth. Grab radish cakes from the breakfast shop downstairs. Run.
3. Yes, going to school on a Saturday sucks, and you wonder why you must stand through a flag-raising ceremony every morning too.
4. Roll call! Say ‘有!’ when you hear your number.
Some schools assigned your numbers by IQ ranking.
5. Air raid sirens wail across the city. It’s a drill. You duck under your desk and find the underside crusted over in smeary snot.
6. It’s your turn to sweep the classroom. You open the janitor’s closet to find this:
Fuck! Scream for the teacher to come over.
7. Sometimes your math teacher would bonk you on the head with your own abacus–
8. –because you’ve been secretly reading this under the desk.
“Uncle Shun’s Ghost Stories” were Taiwan’s Goosebumps. They were so popular that they were banned in most classrooms.
9. Recess time! Scavenge for cicada shells in the bushes. Plant them in other kids’ hairs.
10. Or trade sweet contraband with classmates. Everyone loves basketball now because of this comic.
13. Blinging your textbooks with 哈比 book sleeves makes you hot shit in 1st grade.
14. If you have these pencil boxes, you are a god.
15. Go hang out at the local stationary shop after school. Buy laminated cards of pop stars or cartoon shows.
16. The old shopkeeper yells at everyone to shut up. He doles out free marbles and pogs to the quieter kids.
17. He rents you Japanese Super Nintendo games.
Everyone learned how to read rudimentary Japanese this way or were horribly lost.
18. On your walk home from school–
19. –you’re convinced that these recycle bins are watching you.
20. Back home, you choose from 3 state-controlled TV channels. You could watch 包青天 decapitate Soong Dynasty crimesters.
21. Or you could watch this creepy critter fart across the centuries.
Kids would buy bags of potato chips just to get plastic toys of this guy.