The 18 Emotional Stages Of Finding A Zit On Your Face

Who invited you to my face? Not me.

It’s a story older than time itself:

You wake up in the morning, feeling pretty optimistic this is going to be the best day ever.

 

Until you catch yourself in the mirror and your life slowly begins to crumble.

Cue internal screaming.

1. You inspect the situation carefully and closely.

If you’re closer to the age of 30 than the age of 15 you could be seriously questioning if the universe is out to get you.

What it looks like to you: A fucking crater visible from space.

What it feels like to you: Like it’s currently burning a goddamn hole in your face!

2. You take the time to curse not only this intruder’s residence on your face, but the particular position it has chosen.

Right under your nose, right on your chin, and right in your freakin’ eyebrow – perfect!

3. A dark period of self-loathing and anguish sets in.

Damn you hormones! Damn you face! Damn you tiny spot!

4. You decide to never leave your room. You will live like a hermit and never return to the outside world.

5. But no, you have your LIFE TO LIVE!! You take a hot shower to mull over the options.

6. You attempt to camouflage the unwelcomed intruder using your keen fashion sense.

Turtlenecks are in right now. Scarfs are in right now. Bags are so in right now!

7. You then smother it with makeup and concealers.

8. If all else fails? You consider the end-all-be-all of zit solutions.

An option that is will give the most instantaneous results, but also may leave the most damage.

9. You realize that even if you can hide it, you will have to live knowing it is there – on your face, where it could very well stay forever.

10. You convince yourself this entire experience will make you a stronger and more grounded person.

11. You take another hot shower to mull this over.

12. You wrestle with some bargaining, until you realize this is one thing you really can’t control.

13. You try to look on the bright side. Things could be worse, right?

14. It’s about this time you check your calendar and realize you probably have something very important going on today.

15. Frustration and anxiety sets in as you envision how your loved ones will react to this awful turn of events.

16. You become a tad hysterical when nobody seems to be noticing it.

17. It is in this one beautiful moment you will find acceptance and peace.

As much peace and acceptance as one can find with a zit on their face, that is.

18. Because stupid zits are the great equalizer – NO ONE IS SAFE. In that notion, you will find solitude.

 

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