26. The Gold Coast Bulletin claimed the 2018 Commonwealth Games would revert to the ‘Empire Games’.
“The Bulletin learned late last night that Buckingham Palace, British and Australian Government figures are negotiating a move back to using the “Empire’’ description.”
24. According to alleged new research, the Lamington was definitely invented in New Zealand ‘beyond doubt’, reported Guardian Australia.
“Watercolour painting shows coconut covered cake is not really Australian and is only an imitation of the earlier ‘Wellington’” said Guardian Oz.
22. Optus rolled out their #FidoPhone.
The accompanying YouTube has been viewed 210 times.
20. Deal website Groupon offered an exclusive chance to meet Prince William and Kate Middleton and hold Prince George on their upcoming Australian tour.
“Once-in-a-lifetime chance to meet the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and get a photo holding the Royal baby Prince George.”
17. Scoot Airlines announced that customers will be able to enjoy inflight hot yoga classes.
“The Scoot YogaZone uses our aptly-named s-t-r-e-t-c-h seats’ 38” legroom to their fullest, enabling you to really get a full body workout whilst zooming to your destination,” Scoot chief executive Campbell Wilson told travelweekly.com.au, who seem to have fallen for the prank.
16. Student Flights introduced exclusive top-to-tail business class seat category.
“In a bold move for the travel industry, Australia’s leading youth travel retailer is shaking up traditional airfare restrictions to offer two passengers the opportunity to travel in one business class seat” reported news.com.au.
13. According to SameSame.com.au Tony Abbott has pledged his support for his dog Maisie, a little cream-coloured pup who he now reveals is only attracted to other female dogs.
“I support my lesbian dog 100%,” Abbott allegedly confirmed in a statement today. “And I sincerely hope she obtains equal rights, sometime after my reign as Prime Minister.”
11. PR company Access PR picked up the account for North Korea Tourism.
“Tourism North Korea has appointed Access PR to handle its public relations in an effort to boost the appeal of the rarely visited country, with a specific remit to improve the appeal of the Kim Jung-un. The agency’s experience with Destination NSW, Fairfax Events and Cover-More Travel Insurance gave it the edge over other pitching agencies,” said CEO Andrea Kerekes.
10. Media website Mumbrella reported that the winner of the Federal Government’s media account will be required to move its headquarters to Western Sydney.
“It is understood that revised tender documents informed the agencies that one of the requirements of the consolidated $137m media account would be that the agency was willing to move its offices to Parramatta or another part of Western Sydney,” said Mumbrella.
9. The Holden Racing Team crossed the Bass Strait last night thanks to its new Aqua Pro™ floatation kit.
“The Holden Racing Team will race at Winton this weekend despite its B-Double transporter missing its ship to cross Bass Strait last night. HRT’s transporter driver, Daryl Kruizinga said the Bass Strait crossing, believed to be a first for a V8 Supercars B-Double race transporter, was comfortable.”
8. Outspoken News Corp columnist Andrew Bolt will replace Charlie Pickering on The Project, according to TV Tonight.
A TEN insider allegedly said, “Love him or loathe him, Andrew Bolt gets people talking and right now TEN realises that’s just what they need. Steve Price has worked well for the show so Bolter is the next logical step. It will all make sense after the Murdoch camp buys the network for a song.”
7. The Australian Financial Review newspaper is going online only. If you believe rivals The Australian.
6. Pop culture delight Junkee are launching a paywall, and BuzzFeedOz may be to blame. Sorry guys!
“The industry has altered significantly since March 2013. Competition has increased (oh hey, Buzzfeed, JUST SO GREAT TO SEE YOU HERE), advertising rates have plummeted, and we’re all tired as shit.”
5. The Kogan Drone Broadband Network took flight.
“Today, we are thrilled to unveil our latest innovation - the Kogan Drone Broadband Network - a game changer that will use drones in the sky to deliver faster Internet for all Australians, replacing the need for the National Broadband Network.”
Watch Do Not Set Your Dad On Fire - a message from Metro.
2. Satirical Jedi Knights A Rational Fear printed 1375 fake WA ballot papers and dumped them near the offices of Perth Now.
The chief investigator of the WA Senate election debacle says he is troubled that the lost votes have never turned up and cannot rule out the possibility that criminality was involved. Source: SMH.