11 Pieces Of Advice For The "Real Housewives"

Dr. Obvious here, at your service.

Case 1 — "Definition of Fierce"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

Recently I've been called mean, narcissistic, bossy, and more. As if those were bad things! I'm honestly just over this shit. Why can't I move on?

Sincerely,
Definition of Fierce

Dear Definition of Fierce,

Remember your paycheck.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 2 — "Guiltless in NJ"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

For years I have been accused of things I have not done. For years I have dealt with everyone I know trying to bring me down. People tell me that I don't take accountability for my actions, what's their deal?

Sincerely,
Guiltless in NJ

Dear Guiltless in NJ,

You're most definitely the problem.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 3 — "Tea, Crumpets, and Drama"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

Apparently being friends with me is like playing chess with Bobby Fisher. Why do I come across as so cold?

Sincerely,
Tea, Crumpets, and Drama

Dear Tea, Crumpets, and Drama,

You're British, just show as much affection for your friends as you do with your dogs.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 4 — "Turtle Time"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

Does pinot grigio turn me into a monster?

Sincerely,
Turtle Time

Dear Turtle Time,

Where do I begin?

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 5 — "The O.G. of the O.C."

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

My daughter hates my boyfriend but I LOVE him.

Sincerely,
The O.G. of the O.C.

Dear O.G.,

Your daughter should respect your choices in love. Well, unless your boyfriend once told your daughter's husband that he should beat her but that would never happen... right?

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 6 — "Looks Just Like Beyoncé"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

I'm fabulous. Like Gone with the Wind fabulous. But none of the girls I hang out with seem to think so. They're just jealous, right?

Sincerely,
Looks Just Like Beyoncé

Dear Looks Just Like Beyoncé,

Waving scepters = ass whoopin'.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 7 — "Rapunzel in the Garden State"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

None of my friends like my husband. Sure he's a little intense but he really is a sweetheart.

Sincerely,
Rapunzel in the Garden State

Dear Rapunzel,

Get your husband the fuck off of Twitter.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 8 — "Hairspray in Melbourne"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

My friends say I'm mean and wear way too much makeup. What do I do?

Sincerely,
Hairspray in Melbourne

Dear Hairspray,

Maybe stop using the c-word. Maybe stop telling people they married for money. Maybe don't call people "an insignificant ass hair."

P.S. – Your makeup is on point, don't change that.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 9 — "Hitmaker in the studio, stuck in the middle at home"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

My mother is kind of crazy; she called my mother-in-Iaw was a prostitute. What can I do to make her stop being so hateful?

Sincerely,
Hitmaker in the studio, stuck in the middle at home

Dear Hitmaker,

Cut off the money.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 10 — "Lips Unsealed"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

Everyone calls me jealous. Yeah, I've told a few secrets but honestly, who hasn't?

Sincerely,
Lips Unsealed.

Dear Lips Unsealed,

Do you know how to not stir shit? Don't stir shit.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious

Case 11 — "Secret Teller"

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Dear Dr. Obvious,

I tend to be labeled as a loud mouthed bitch who crosses boundaries. But I'm not really like that, why don't people understand me?

Sincerely,
Secret Teller

Dear Secret Teller,

Oh, really? Prove it.

Sincerely,

Dr. Obvious