1. Mr. Imaginary Lat Syndrome
You know the type. In his mind he’s 6’6” 275 lbs of straight muscle. He walks around with his arms a good foot from his body so everyone can see what large and muscular imaginary lats he has. Reality sets in when he realizes he’s not even sure how to use half the equipment in the gym, and his routine consists of dumbbell curls, machine bench press, calf raises, exit.
2. The Princess
Typical attire includes full makeup, hair spray, jewelry, and a ridiculously expensive workout outfit. These damsels can usually be found congregating around the ellipitcals or ab machines. They don’t do much work, they are just there to look pretty and take up space on the equipment. God forbid they break a sweat.
3. The 20-30 Something Frat Boy
He desperately wants the world to know that once upon a time he was a frat boy. Seems to have an unending supply of party t-shirts, usually dating to the early 2000′s. Typically he will cut off the sleeves of these shirts so everyone is able to see how big and strong he is. He is a big proponent of the “beach work out”. Goes hard on biceps, chest, and shoulders. Neglects everything else and has toothpick legs to show for it. Rock on braah!
4. The Couple
The Couple – The 105 lb woman spotting her bodybuilder husband while he’s benching 350. The muscle man trying to show his, never-worked-out-a-day-in-her-life girlfriend how to properly perform a clean and press. You know the type. Add in a lot of kissing, back rubbing, and use of the word “babe” every other sentence, and you’ve got the makings for a perfect storm.
5. The Grunter
You can hear him a mile away. “UGHHHH” “ARGGGGGH” “HUMPHHHHHUGGH”. Not only does he want you to see how hard he’s working, he wants you to hear how hard he’s working. Typically an older gentlemen, who may or may not be suffering from an inferiority complex…or mid life crisis. Take your pick.
6. The Naked Guy
The Naked Guy – Strictly found in the locker room. For some reason, he feels the community locker room is his own personal space. It’s one thing to change into clothes, but another thing entirely to brush your teeth, do your hair, weigh yourself, go back to check your hair, towel off your already dry body…in the nude. He hasn’t a care in the world. He is seemingly oblivious to the view he is giving the rest of the locker room when he bends down for the 5th time to stretch out his ”bad back”. Picture not necessary.