50 Life Lessons From Musicals

From the hilarious to the profound, musicals can teach us all a few things. posted on

1. How to be POP-U-LAARRR…

2. …and get accepted to the Evil League of Evil.

Hint: just be wicked…

3. Everything you need to know to be the-very-model-of-a-modern-major-general…

4. …including how to pronounce supercalifragilisticexpialidocious…

In case your tongue wasn’t tied up enough from explaining what makes up the very model of a modern major general.

5. …and use Shakespeare to attract the ladies.

(ignore, if you can, the incredibly misogynistic aspects of the song)

6. How to measure a year…

Spoiler: LOVE. You measure it in LOVE.

7. …what the hills are alive with…

Spoiler: It’s the sound of music.

8. …the perfect number of trombones in a marching band…

Spoiler: 76

9. …that Moses supposed erroneously…

Silly Moses. Repeat after Gene Kelly:

A Mose is a Mose
A Rose is a Rose
A Toes is a Toes

10. and that you should NEVER go to the park with George on a Sunday.

Continuing the tongue-twisting.

11. You can also learn what to do when it starts raining…

a) start singing
b) start dancing
c) enjoy the glorious feelin’
d) all of the above

12. …and where the rain falls (mainly).

Where there’s rain, there’s often rainbows…

13. Rain = Rainbow! And somewhere over that rainbow, there’s some really cool shit…

14. Like London! London’s great! Well, kind of…

15. Oklahoma ain’t too bad…

Might go so far as to say it’s OK.

And yes, that is indeed Hugh Jackman.

16. Baltimore isn’t terrible to wake up to…

17. …and Jesus did live here in the U.S.A.

18. You can do a hell of a lot with one night in Bangkok…

Anyone else spend the majority of their life not realizing that this is from a musical? No? Just me?

19. …but actually, you need to get back to Hogwarts.

20. A spoonful of sugar helps EVERYTHING…

21. …except Mrs. Lovett’s Meat Pies. You should probably avoid those.

(They’re the worst.)

22. ACTUALLY NO, JUST, NEVER NEVER NEVER TRUST MEAT PIES. NEVER. EVER.

Yes, that’s Mrs. Potts advocating cannibalism.

23. Where to go after you drop out of beauty school…

Spoiler: BACK TO HIGH-SCHOOL.

24. …and what to do with a BA in English!

Well, actually, they never do answer that…write Buzzfeed articles maybe?

25. Pool —> P ~ T = Trouble

In some sort of convolution of logic, pool equals trouble.
Obviously, an English Major came up with this equation…

26. How to tell if someone loves you…

27. …or if they’re batting for the other team.

28. How to deal with a messy break up…

29. …sometimes homicidally.

He had it comin’.

30. That feeling? So sudden and new? Yeah, that’s loathing.

31. Anything YOU can do, I can do better!

32. …but with a little bit of luck, I don’t have to do jack-shit!

33. We all look at the world in different ways…

34. …and change each other, for better or worse

35. Sometimes, it’s easier to just dance through life…

After all, life is painless for the brainless.

36. …preferably doing the TIME WARP.

Let’s review.
It’s just a step to the left, jump to the right, hands on hips, knees in tight, pelvic thrust…LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAAAIINNNNN!!!!!!!

37. Other times, life doesn’t go the way you dreamed it would…

38. …sometimes you have to stand your ground…

Note: Jennifer Hudson’s great but Jennifer Holliday is transcendent.

39. …take a chance…

In which Mrs. Weasley sings to Dr. Selvig, whilst Mr. Darcy, James Bond, Cosette, and Miranda Priestly dance on in the background.

40. …remember a few of your favorite things…

41. …have a good laugh…

Don’t you know everyone likes to laugh?

42. …and look on the bright side of life!

43. Keep on dreaming…

44. …because impossible things are happening everyday.

45. Tradition can be useful…

46. …but sometimes you gotta rock the boat…

47. …and defy the world.

48. In the end, you are what you are….

49. …nobody can stop you…

or the beat.

50. …so don’t let ANYONE rain on YOUR parade!

Nope. Nobody.

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