Why Umbrellas Are The Worst

Sometimes umbrellas are super helpful and keep the rain off your stuff. The rest of the time, they’re awful.

1. They flip out and become useless.

2. One displaced spine and they’re ruined forever.

3. They’re always either too small to keep both of your shoulders dry…

4. …or big enough to force bystanders off the sidewalk.

5. Umbrella hats. Why are there umbrella hats?

6. You can’t improve on their awful design in a way that actually helps.

Seriously, people have tried.

7. Short people seem to forget that tall people have eyeballs up there.

8. It’s impossible to do anything else while you’re holding an umbrella.

9. Umbrellas love to dance in the wind…

Susan Walsh / AP

10. …unless you’re in anything stronger than a light breeze, which will turn them into flapping, useless flags of surrender.

Eric Gay / AP

11. No one seems to realize that carrying an umbrella increases how much space they take up.

12. Unless you have a tiny umbrella that you always keep in your bag/purse, you never remember them when you need them, forcing you to improvise…

13. …or buy one from this guy.

Credit: Lenny Drozner via Flickr: drozner

14. But his umbrellas never survive for more than two blocks…

15. …where they lay around, uglying up the street, for days after it stops raining.

16. But of course, you don’t want to buy a better, more expensive one, because there’s always someone who steals them.

17. And there’s ALWAYS someone who puts their umbrella on subway seats…

Credit Scott Lynch via Flickr: scottlynchnyc

18. …leaving THIS behind.

Photo Credit Derek White via 5cense.com

Damn it umbrellas, get your act together.

Seriously, who’s making these pieces of garbage?

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