1. Arguments are easy to win.
This guy’s attention span is one camera flash away from being somewhere else.
2. You’ll look the best of any photo you’re in.
3. Epic photobombing opportunities are easy to spot.
4. You’ll be conscious for the best parts of the night…
5. …and you’ll actually remember them the next day.
6. Drunk people will believe ANYTHING.
“No, seriously: I really am a fighter pilot/mariachi/scuba diver.”
7. Getting free pizza is easy when you’re the only one who knows how much everyone’s paid.
‘What?! Of course I put money in! You’re drunk, just let me handle this.”
8. No one’s better at messing with passed-out drunks than sober people.
Who do you think built that card pyramid? A drunk person?
9. You won’t get everyone arrested if someone has to talk to the cops.
“No, I’m sorry, you misunderstood my friend. His uncle’s name is ‘Pig Asshole’ and he hates him. We’ve got no problem with you fine officers!”
11. …and make it back to your own place (or someone else’s!).
12. And you’ll actually wake up somewhere you intended to fall asleep.
13. There’ll be much less regret the next day.
14. And brunch is a lot better when you don’t hate yourself.
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