10 Experts Weigh In On Michael Vick’s Possible Firing

The Philadelphia Eagles are considering an on-field leadership change. Experts from across the internet commented on the controversial quarterback’s career.

1. Rufus B. Chasinsticks, Local Philly Sports Reporter

Rufus B. Chasinsticks of local Philadelphia news outlet CBS Philly had this to say: “Though it’s hard to survive, teams often emerge stronger after shake-ups like this. It’s vicious, but the survivors are always tough enough to make it through to the next round.”

2. Rascal Redtail, High School Coach

Coach Redtail, of Easton High, had this to say: “These players are role models for the kids coming up. You have to set a standard for them to live up to, something that this player just hasn’t done. …on the field.”

3. Dr. Handsome Cuddlepants MD, Practitioner of Athletic Medicine

“A player’s history needs to be taken into consideration when making these kinds of decisions, and this player in particular has had a history full of more disease and mistakes than any other I’ve come across. His on-field performance this year has been bad as well.”

4. Snuggles Snoogie Snoutsman, Local Weather Reporter

Taking a break from his tireless Hurricane Sandy coverage, Snoutsman weighed in: “The Philadelphia metropolitan area is going to go through some massive turmoil, but there is sun shining on the other side of this horrific disaster in our area’s noble local history. But we should really get back to Hurricane Sandy preparation. Make sure you have backup flashlight batteries.”

5. Arthur Bonezarelli, Olympic Dog Gymnast

“As a fellow athlete, I understand having to cope with the immense strain on a competitor’s body and mind. But that doesn’t excuse what he’s done as a player, as a competitor, and as a person. It’s just- What? Oh, right. That. Yes, his performance on the field has been sub-par.”

6. Itchypants Scrufflebutts, Internet Writer

Popular online humorist Itchypants Scrufflebutts again pushed the envelope today when he tweeted: “I’ve got a backyard full of failed QBs if Vick ISN’T happy with this decision.”

7. Professor Waggles Poopsie, Professor Of Canine-American Studies, Penn State

Professor Poopsie commented from her blog, The Daily Fetch, today: “This is a victory for Canine-Americans and their primate allies, and for advocates of equal-species rights everywhere.”

8. Bone Rivers, Legendary Stand Up Comic

Ms. Rivers also weighed in, saying via her website, “How the hell does this guy still have a career and I have to weigh on in this crap from my website?! Who gave this asshole a second chance?! Someone refill my water bowl with Schnapps.”

9. Sir Squeezy Puff of Castle Napalot, Professional Cutie Pie

Sir Puff said, between naps, “Michael Vick forced dogs to fight each other for profit and threw the losers, often still alive, into a pit in his backyard. It is a grotesque shame that this man was ever hired by anyone to do anything ever again.”

10. Sparky, Unwilling Photography Model

Sparky also weighed in when pressed for comment by his owner during their 14th Instagram photo session of the day, “What are you doing stop doing this thing you’re doing who is Michael Vick sure I guess he’s bad if it makes you stop doing this what are you doing please for the love of dog-god stop doing this to my face.”

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