1. You're not our only client
We've got a roster of people keeping our little entrepreneurial ship afloat, and while we value the life raft you provide, it's only one piece of business. You don't own us.
2. We hate video calls
The pants-less entrepreneurs are many. So when you ask us to put on a bra and brush our hair, not only are we dreading the 20 minutes of staring at a camera acting like what you said couldn't have been said in one e-mail, but we're not wearing pants.
3. We know how to do our job
If you hired us to do a job, you clearly felt like you needed some expertise. So why are you constantly e-mailing articles about how to do it better and what "you" would do? We already decided what you did wasn't working. We're not here to waste your money, we're here to spend it wisely.
4. We frequently say "yes" first
The old saying "Say yes, figure out how to do it later" holds true when you run your own business. So when you ask us for an analytic report, we nod, then quickly look up how to do that. But you seem to like the results and we add another skill to our portfolio, so we're all happy.
5. You're clingy
Have you sent 12 separate e-mails in an afternoon, then wonder why you haven't heard back? It's because we're waiting until you've told us every possible thought that's popped into your head for the day to write one big, consolidated e-mail back. Like you should consider doing.
6. You need to be specific
You get mad when you only get half the project back, but you didn't tell us what it needed. Give all the information up front, and we're both happier and less likely to spend half an hour yelling at our screen.
7. We don't take orders well
We started our own business because somewhere along the line, we realized we didn't want to work for someone else. Sometimes we can be a little stubborn when you start telling us what to do. Bear with us, but remember that we're also not your employees.
8. We're never "away from our desk"
Be realistic - in an age where e-mail sits in our pocket and not at our desk, being "away from our desk" is irrelevant. But this is the client-freelancer code for "don't talk to me today"
9. We love you
In a weird way, we have to. You make us who we are and able to stay home without pants on. Thank you.
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