This Is What Every Single “Deal Or No Deal” Is Like

Missed the last 475 editions of the gameshow? No sweat.

1. You know Channel 4’s Deal Or No Deal right?

Well it hasn’t changed a bit since you last watched it.

2. Each episode still starts with Noel saying that “you should have watched yesterday’s show because it was the greatest Deal Or No Deal game ever”.

This makes you feel awkward because you missed yesterday’s game.

3. But never fear… it’s time for *contestant name here*.

They are thrilled to take part. They hug the person next to them without fail.

4. Then the *contestant name here* does this bowing thing when they go to meet Noel at the table.

This isn’t weird. Not one bit. Oh wait…… yes it is.

5. The contestant then shows Noel a photo of somebody you don’t know. They explain that they are taking part in this show “for them”.

Lisa F. Young / Shutterstock

 

The photo on the right is a total lie. That grandmother really doesn’t like chicken.

6. You get bored during the photo bit and you think…

7. But then you realise that the game is about to begin. Noel still says that legal disclaimer stuff so we know that this show isn’t ONE GIANT FIX.

He says it so fast you think he’s reading out the ‘terms and conditions’ you hear at the end of an advert on a commercial radio station.

8. You never see the ‘independent adjudicator’! You think “isn’t that the person who is on the lottery?”

youtube.com / BBC One / National Lottery Draws

Standing still. Looking proud. Writing notes on a clipboard / iPad.

9. FINALLY. THE FIRST BOX TO OPEN. WHO IS IT?

Legal disclaimer: He didn’t say this and I have no idea what a “lucky chicken” is.

10. Everyone says over the top stuff about the contestant before they open their box, even though you have only known today’s contestant for two minutes.

channel4.com / Channel 4

Legal disclaimer: he did not say that.

11. Or they say something like.

Legal disclaimer: she deffo said that.

12. BOX OPENS. And something about “lucky chicken” must be right because LOOOKK….

The £750 is gone. THIS MUST BE FATE OR SOMETHING!

13. Then THIS happens directly afterwards.

14. Noel Edmonds reacts by saying something like…

15. Then after about ten minutes of people telling each other that they love each other, the phone rings. It’s the banker! Noel answers the phone cautiously.

16. You can never hear what the banker says.

Channel 4 / channel4.com

17. All you hear is.

channel4.com / Channel 4

18. Nothing else.

Just tell us how much you’re offering Noel.

20. This is getting really annoying now.

21. Then after something like 15 minutes he says…

channel4.com / Channel 4

22. The banker finally gives an offer. It is quite high.

23. But then they have that chat with the banker and they’re like “NO THANKS we’re going all the way.”

NO DEAL. OMG.

24. THEN IT’S JUST COMPLIMENTS AND BOXES.

Legal disclaimer: she didn’t say that.

25. Then oh god it’s this all over again.

26. OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD.

27. But eventually, 99% of the time… this happens.

29. The magic £250,000 disappears from the screen…

And you instantly get bored. You won’t remember the show otherwise.

30. Oh god is Pointless on BBC1 on yet?

  1. But now you've got the chance to make this article more exciting.

    Do you want to…

    1. Deal.
    2. Or No Deal.

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