This Is What All Television In Britain Is Like When You Are Hungover

    Trust me, it used to be so much better in the olden days.

    Scott Bryan
    by Scott Bryan

    BuzzFeed Entertainment Editor, UK

    Back in the noughties hangover television was amazing. Why? Well there was Shipwrecked.

    youtube.com / Shipwrecked / Channel 4

    An hour of beautiful arrogant people bitching on a beach. You at home feel good.

    And remember T4? Everything on T4 was sponsored by a car you couldn't afford, for some reason.

    youtube.com / T4 / Channel 4
    youtube.com / Aygo / T4

    Every 15 minutes (in a robotic voice): "AYGO BY TOYOTA. SPONSORS T4."

    And of course, back in the classic days, there was Saturday Aardvark or the amazing SM:TV Live.

    youtube.com / CBBC
    SMTV Live /youtube.com

    Don't send letters to that Saturday Aardvark address. No-one will respond now.

    But today's hangover TV? It's so bad. Where to start?

    bbc.co.uk / Saturday Kitchen / Cactus Television

    Saturday Kitchen lasts for six hours and consists of...

    bbc.co.uk Saturday Kitchen / Cactus Television

    Great. We really needed to know that.

    There's also "best bits" from Great British Menu.

    bbc.co.uk / Saturday Kitchen / Cactus Television / Great British Menu / Optomen

    This definitely isn't a secret BBC repeat. Definitely not.

    And a very posh man talking about posh wine.

    bbc.co.uk / Saturday Kitchen / Cactus Television

    You right now: "I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT WINE I'M DYING FROM DRINK."

    Still, could be worse. You could be watching BBC Two on Sunday. There's this show to look forward to.

    bbc.co.uk / Saturday Kitchen Best Bites / Cactus Television

    HOW CAN THIS MAKE SENSE IT IS SUNDAY NOT SATURDAY.

    How about Channel 4? Is a 148 hour Hollyoaks omnibus on?

    Nope. It's now this.

    channel4.com / Princess Productions

    Something For The Weekend > Sunday Brunch. End of story.

    It is then followed by this for 20 hours.

    channel4.com / Channel 4 Racing

    It seems to finish sometime next Tuesday, and you don't understand any of it.

    You're just hoping that they will eventually show this.

    youtube.com / The Simpsons / Gracie Productions / Fox
    The Simpsons / Gracie Films / Fox

    So how about flicking over to More4? Oh. No.

    channel4.com

    A show whose only ambitiion is to make you incredibly angry.

    If you don't watch Four in a Bed regularly the concept is this: four B&B owners stay at each other's houses and rate the room and the service out of 10.

    You meanwhile constantly shout out the following three things.

    "WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH HIGH STANDARDS?"

    channel4.com / Studio Lambert / All3Media

    The room looks lovely and the beds are really comfy.

    So why are you checking the window sill for dust? Life is too short.

    "WHY ARE YOU INSPECTING THIS TOILET BRUSH?"

    channel4.com / Four in a Bed / Studio Lambert / All3Media

    The toilet is really lovely and you're inspecting a bog brush. LIFE IS TOO SHORT.

    "WHY ARE YOU AN INCREDIBLY MEAN GUEST?"

    channel4.com / Four In A Bed /

    You right now: "I AM NEVER STAYING IN A B&B AGAIN. LIFE IS TOO SHORT."

    So how about flicking it over to Dave? Top Gear is currently on!

    Oh wait a minute.

    BBC / Top Gear youtube.com

    Instead.... a 20 minute review of a very very very very, very very very fast car.

    So you turn it back to Channel 4, desperately hoping that the racing has finished.

    It has! It's now the 4758583rd Come Dine With Me.

    Come Dine With Me / channel4.com / ITV Studios
    Come Dine With Me / channel4.com / ITV Studios

    You first think: "Why does the programme look so much more upmarket in the titles?"

    You then think to yourself: "Oh wait I've already watched this episode."

    So you turn it over to the Food Network.

    youtube.com / Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives/ Food Network

    Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives is on! Brilliant.

    Every episode of "Triple D" always starts with this.

    youtube.com / Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives / Food Network

    Followed by him doing this. STUFFING HIS FACE.

    foodnetwork.co.uk Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives / Food Network

    "MMMOOHMHMHMHMMM THIS TASTES OF CHICKEN MMGMGMGMGMG."

    If not there's always Barefoot Contessa.

    youtube.com / Barefoot Contessa / Pacific Productions / Food Network

    Whatever will the Hamptons do without you Barefoot? Seriously. Everyone in that neighbourhood expects her to do everything.

    She says "how good is that?" and "Jeffrey" a lot.

    Barefoot Contessa / Pacific Productions / Food Network

    Also... why are you called Barefoot? THIS IS NEVER DISCUSSED.

    Meanwhile back on BBC Two...

    bbc.co.uk / The Saint in London / RKO Radio Pictures

    A film you've never heard of that was made before your parents were born.

    Followed by a show trying to get you "inspired".

    youtube.com BBC / Inspire: The Olympic Journey

    This translates as WHY ARE YOU HUNGOVER ON THE SOFA YOU DICK.

    And BBC One is now showing Escape to the Country.

    bbc.co.uk / Escape to the Country / Talkback Thames

    You sit there alarmed. Where have all the Saturday morning kids shows gone? Why has everything been replaced with food programmes? Where is T4? Why are there so many repeats? Why am I too tired to turn on my laptop and put Netflix on?

    And most importantly...

    WHY ISN'T FRIENDS STILL ON CHANNEL 4?

    Friends
    youtube.com / Chums / SM:TV Live

    IT EASES THE PAIN. THIS PAIN THAT WILL NEVER END.

    :(