What is the best feature in any weekend newspaper?
THAT'S RIGHT. It is...
1. The questions rarely change from week to week.
So you get into the habit of trying to work out what their answers to these generic questions actually mean.
2. You start translating their sentences in your mind because some Guardian readers are just a little too shy.
3. Although you read too much into sentences and start thinking that people are harsh when they aren't.
4. You enjoy the Guardian-esque topics the daters talk about on their date.
Despite failing to mention fair trade quinoa, this is still the most Guardian answer in Blind Date history.
5. The fact that table manners are always "impeccable".
6. Then there are the times they are genuinely bitchy, even though they know the other person WILL be reading the column too.
Such silky #shade, in just 12 little words (in today's Guardian Blind Date column):
7. Some moments are a little...awkward.
8. In fact, a lot of them are really awkward.
9. Sometimes the dates really don't go well at all.
10. Leading you to shout this at the newsprint.
11. And you can end up feeling how awful it was.
12. Every awkward dating experience you've ever had is re-enacted in this column.
13. And then there are the scores. They rank each other out of 10 so you check how closely they actually match.
14. Although sometimes they use DECIMAL PLACES.
15. Sometimes this ends up being awkward too.
16. You develop a superiority complex over the people in these columns because you would never go public about your own dating experiences in a national newspaper.
17. But when you see this tweet you are tempted to email because of <3 (and a free meal).
18. Then there's the flutter in your heart when you realise both daters are really into each other.
19. But then there is this scenario. The WORST scenario.
20. Coupled with this.
