Has Gary just watched a video of someone crapping on his front lawn? #xfactor
THAT’S RIGHT EVERYONE. IT’S DISCO WEEK.
So all of the songs strictly sounded like disco music right?
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA you’re very funny.
There was a big shock to start off proceedings. The ‘Flash Vote’ has been dropped. Shocking.
But this meant that we could enjoy the return of…
So who was responsible for the worst performance on Saturday night?
10. Look no further than Sam Callahan’s performance of “Relight My Fire”. It was so bad that it can be summed up in this gif and this gif only.
9. Meanwhile Abi Alton’s “I Will Survive” was stripped-back and lovely, but it was inappropriate for the mood and feel of DISCO WEEK.
8. Kingsland Road’s “Blame It On The Boogie” was polished, but Union J’s and One Direction’s secret love child took the lyric “I just can’t, I just can’t, I just can’t control my feet” LITERALLY.
Some people still aren’t that keen on them.
7. Nicholas McDonald’s rendition of “Rock With You” didn’t have that Michael Jackson feel to it. It was basically a teenager singing on a giant Trebor mint.
6. Tamera’s “Wishing On A Star” was elegant, but was a bit slow and was like that moment in a show where you would disappear for an extended wee.
5. Luke Friend’s “Play That Funky Music” was actually really really really quite good.
Why was this? Well it was a bouncy song, directly after Nile Rodgers, so everyone was already in the mood for it. Also, everyone seems to have forgotten his “I haven’t ever washed my hair” story.
But then Louis Walsh ruined it all by saying…
4. Rough Copy’s performance of “September” was solid, although they’ve had more memorable songs.
3. They weren’t as good as Hannah Barrett singing “Somebody Else’s Guy” though, so loud at parts I swear I could hear it without the television on.
Although some people found the “sob story” of her being in the bottom two a bit rubbish.
2. The best performance of the night was Sam Bailey’s “No More Tears (Enough Is Enough)”. Shame that she was on last.
People seem to like Sam Bailey.
1. But the moment of the week? THE NILE RODGERS SATURDAY NIGHT OPENING NON-STOP MEDLEY.
Good side of having a proper performance at the start? It gets everyone in the mood. Bad side of having a proper performance at the start? It’s the best dang thing of the whole bloody evening.