3.
"Where all your dreams come true."
4.
"We don't compete for really big hairdos here."
6.
"Remember... the more subtle the hat, the better."
7.
"Wearing loud clothes is not encouraged."
8.
"See? This is not over the top in the slightest."
9.
"Just so you know, breakfast is served till 10am."
10.
"So make sure that you bring along brunch."
11.
"Please remember to leave your phone at home."
12.
"Ensure your hat reflects the news agenda."
13.
"Trophies for the World Cup, for example."
14.
"Don't wear hats so big you can barely see."
15.
"Otherwise you might end up looking a bit weird."
16.
"Plus you might not know where you are right now."
17.
"Also, don't wear black. Black is not great."
18.
"If you don't have a hat, improvise."
19.
"Consider using connected upside down umbrellas."
20.
"Or a catalogue advertising boutique cream toilets."
21.
"Or a Blue Peter replica of the venue itself."
22.
"Or whatever you can grab from your hedge."
23.
"Or... fuck it... your favourite plant pot."
24.
"Or the bottom bit from a can of chopped vegetables."
25.
"Or a fresh pint of modern milk."
26.
"GOD BLESS YOU ROYAL ASCOT."
