1. The media will show loads of jumping girls.
People *excitably* jumping.
2. People will complain about the jumping girls on Twitter.
Disclaimer: Yes, all of these Twitter accounts and statuses are fake.
3. After reading a lot about this lack of jumping equality, you will feel proud when you see a boy jumping.
4. The media will do reports like this.
5. Followed by cameras zooming in on envelopes.
You will complain: “I can’t believe they made the students do this.”
6. These students always do well, so you will think it is a conspiracy and assume that the teachers already knew their grades.
7. The media will also do these interviews.
8. While bashing together these stories, yet again.
9. If you are receiving your A-levels and you haven’t collected your results yet, you will get these adverts.
10. Meanwhile, old people in journalism will say that things were much harder in their day.
You think: “My exams were hard and I bloody well tried. STOP.”
11. You will find celebrity tweets like this.
Disclaimer: Charlie Sexworthington doesn’t actually exist.
12. With lovely inspiring replies like this.
Disclaimer: Samuel “Snarky” Harrison Junior doesn’t exist.
13. Perhaps you’ll be able to get away from it all by turning on your favourite radio station? No.
This may be intended to help, but the only thing everyone will hear is “PANIC STATIONS.”
It will be followed by adverts for the University of North Southeast Milton Keynes.
14. Want to go on BuzzFeed to forget? Sorry.
15. But then you’ll get your results and feel weird because you start involuntarily hugging people.
But at least you WILL NOT jump.
16. And you will post incredibly proud statuses like this.
Disclaimer: Samuel Haggerston Jr and Gregory Smithson don’t exist.
17. Or this, because you know you never have to see people in your area ever again.
But despite the anger you feel from all the photos of girls jumping and the people saying exams have gotten easier, you just don’t give a toss any more. Why?
18. Because you are here. From 10am.
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