Believe It Or Not, There Is A Worse Dating Show Than “Take Me Out”

It is called Stand by Your Man, it is on Channel 5, and it is a nightmare.

You know Take Me Out. A bit cheeky, a bit terrible.

Take Me Out / FreeMantleMedia / itv.com

Well, now Channel 5 has got its own version. It is called Stand by Your Man. The format is eerily similar to Take Me Out (a load of girls decide which guy to go on a date with), but trust me, Stand by Your Man is so so so so SO much worse.

If you watch an episode I guarantee that you will end up considering Take Me Out the Waitrose of British dating shows. Here’s why.

1. Take Me Out is presented by Paddy McGuinness. The purpose of the show is to help girls find love.

Take Me Out / FreeMantleMedia / itv.com

Stand by Your Man is presented by Westlife’s Brian McFadden for some reason, and let’s just say everyone’s intentions are less romantic.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

 

#LADS

At the start of an episode the camera does this.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

So subtle.

2. On Take Me Out contestants go down the love lift.

Take Me Out / Freemantle / itv.com

On Stand by Your Man the guys enter by walking through what seems to be a slightly confused café.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

Your reaction: “HMMMM… Stand by Your Man doesn’t have a big budget.”

But this is after the women judge selfies of the men.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

They then stand next to the selfie they find the fittest.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

That’s why the show is called “Stand by Your Man”. GEDDIT??!?!?

You, meanwhile, start despairing. Surely there’s more to love than just looks, right?

3. On Take Me Out the girls decide whether a guy is worth dating after watching a display of his talents.

Take Me Out / Freemantle / itv.com

On Stand by Your Man a round starts with this.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

A rotating bed with one of the contestants on it either pouting or looking extremely uncomfortable, followed by a girl asking deeply personal questions.

Deeply personal questions like this.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

FORGET ABOUT LOVE.

4. Take Me Out contains a bit of sexual innuendo.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

You know, it’s on at a family-friendly time, you don’t want to be crude because the viewer ends up feeling like they actually need a wash afterwards, etc.

Stand by Your Man is JUST sexual innuendo, like…

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com
Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com
Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / itv.com
Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / itv.com
Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

I WANT TO DIE.

5. Take Me Out contains improvised dancing.

ITV / itv.com

Tacky as hell, but you’re on your second bottle of wine so you don’t care.

Stand by Your Man contains many scenes of women dancing and looking so awkward you feel like you’re lost in a nightclub in Milton Keynes.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

6. On Take Me Out any girl can go on a date with a guy if the girl doesn’t turn off her light and the guy chooses her.

Take Me Out / FreeMantle Media / channel5.com

On Stand by Your Man the bloke who gets the most girls queuing by him gets the date at the end of the show.

Stand by Your Man / ITV Studios / channel5.com

This reinforces the idea that the only way you’re going to find love is by being the hottest, dropping the right sexual innuendos in the right fashion, and being the one other people seem to find the most genuinely attractive.

Is there any room for finding love with just that one person and not giving a toss about what anyone else thinks? No. There is not. And this makes you mad.

7. On Take Me Out the people who like each other go on a romantic date on the Isle of Fernando’s.

While on Stand by Your Man they go for a… curry. A CURRY.

Stand by Your Man / channel5.com

Stand by Your Man is on Channel 5 on Fridays at 11.30pm.


You have been warned.

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