1. You may have heard about this new show…
EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING EXCITING.
Six groups of people grow plants, make flowers and create lovely jams and stuff.
And it’s basically a garden version of The Great British Bake Off.
3. Both of the male judges have sex eyes.
4. The ‘greenhouse’ looks like GBBO.
6. Millions watched GBBO just because of this.
7. The double-entendres here? VERY SIMILAR.
8. Really. Really quite similar.
Legal clarification: They are talking about jam.
9. Seriously. There are quite a few here.
10. And of course GBBO has got this great double-act.
11. Great Allotment Challenge has the same. SEE….!
Poor Fearne. And yes my photoshopping skills are quite shit.
12. Now Allotment Challenge hasn’t got harsh time-limits.
CUE EVERYONE GOING “AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.”
13. Instead there’s a lot of planting and waiting.
In fact, they’ve got 15 weeks to get everything ready for the challenges.
14. So that means that there’s 15 weeks of this.
15. Leading to incredible dramatic commentary.
16. Really really intense commentary.
PAYING THE PRICE.
17. Followed by close-ups of RADISHES.
18. But the best part of this show? This.
The pouring bit of ‘making some jam and curd challenge’.
21. THIS JAM IS A LITTLE BIT PERFECT.
22. THIS ONE TOO LIQUIDY.
The way she eats it is a bit confusing though.
23. EAT THE JAM ON A SCONE NOT ON A SPOON.
FFS MARY. FFS.