1. Why enter a triathlon? You wanted a challenge.
2. Or you were absolutely wasted. You were at a computer. And then your credit card number slipped.
And your address slipped. And your three numbers at the back of your credit card slipped. And the fact that you forgot to cancel, you told all of your friends and you made your parents sponsor you on a Just Giving page slipped. IT ALL SLIPPED.
3. It doesn’t matter. Triathlons don’t look that difficult.
4. Closer to the event, friends give you some support.
5. You then contact your parents for some support.
Your response: “But I’ve been to the gym three times in the past five days!”
6. But she knows the truth.
7. Don’t worry, your confidence hasn’t been knocked.
Nope, your confidence is riding high.
8. I mean, it’s not like you’re not doing an ironman triathlon. Their distances are frankly nuts.
This is not accurate. Ironman triathlons are actually longer.
9. You also hear this question a lot.
“Running, swimming and cycling is an odd thing to do in the same event. It’s like mixing rugby sevens, badminton and pigeon shooting all at the same time. I think that they should separate the events because blah blah blah blah….”
10. If you’re skinny, some people tell you that you wouldn’t be able to survive such a physically demanding sport.
When the Brownlee brothers are just as skinny as you are.
Look at them. The people they beat each time are built like TANKS.
11. And you’ve put yourself on to a proper good diet, so a lot of your meals end up looking like this.
You’ve also cancelled attending every single social event for the next month so you can concentrate on getting as fit as possible.
12. You tell your friend how confident you now are. You still get this in response.
13. But now your moment is here. You look wonderful.
14. And boom, you’re getting punched in the face.
Or you are punching someone else in the face.
15. This is all you can see right now.
16. None of your friends or family watching right now can tell which one you are so they are assuming the worst :/
Their prophecy is coming true.
17. Before now you’ve been training in swimming pools, and now you’re in the middle of a giant lake. That’s not scary.
At least you’ve got this amazingly huge thing to hug.
18. Coming out of the sea or lake isn’t unflattering.
You DON’T look like a 1960’s Doctor Who monster that is about to kill everybody.
19. Running whilst talking your wetsuit off isn’t difficult.
It starts with you swinging your arm behind your back trying to find the thing to undo your zip. It ends up with you tripping over the arms of your wetsuit whilst you are pulling down your trousers, hoping that your pants aren’t coming down with them.
20. It is much easier if you have a friend to help you.
21. The transition to your bike… isn’t confusing.
It’s probably not a good idea to nick someone else’s bike. They won’t like that.
22. Then, it’s time to cycle. You’ve got laps to do but for some reason it is difficult to count up to the number…
23. And then it’s time to transition from the bike to the running, and because you’re using a whole new set of muscles your legs now feel like this.
“All that training”, you think to yourselves. “And it still feels like I am running on a bouncy castle.”
24. And seeing where you just were a few moments before absolutely kills you.
This is not as bad as seeing the people who have already lapped you, even though you didn’t think that you would be able to beat them anyway.
25. You approach the finish. You are in a hell of a lot of pain, and you aren’t first, but you still really want to do this.
“Yay I won.”
26. And your legs for the rest of time? At this angle.
Calls office: “Hello. Can I take today off? I don’t think I can walk.”