SO WHY IS THERE SO MUCH DEATH HERE?
3. Why are these guys getting married?
Someone is going to die. They should be running for the border.
4. Why are these guys at the fair?
SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE.
6. Why isn’t the public alarmed after the murder?
They’re probably chuckling to themselves: “hahaha oh there goes another one”.
Speaking of these murders…
7. Why are all murders down to just Barnaby to solve?
40,000 murders. Just one man to solve them all.
Oh wait he has retired hasn’t he?
8. So why have they replaced him with his cousin?
But this isn’t the most baffling thing in this show.
Here are some more questions.
9. Why is there a murder in the first five minutes?
And if nobody has died within the first ten minutes you’re thinking…
11. Does this sentence mean they’re going to die?
12. Oh. Should I be feeling guilty about this now?
HE’S DEAD. DEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD.
13. Why couldn’t we see the murderer’s face?
You don’t really mind though, because you’re trying to work out whether you can solve the case before they do, by judging all of the character’s facial expressions.
15. Could this person be the murderer?
He’s being very helpful so far but what he’s said could ALL BE LIES.
16. COULD THIS PERSON BE THE MURDERER?
Oh hang this is an advert break. It’s the woman from those SCS adverts.
Barnaby is now asking very important questions about the night that the murder took place…
But now you’re starting to get rather confused…
17. Why is the murderer not very obvious?
18. And why is their family always so complicated?
There is some other things that are annoying you right now.
19. Why are you walking? Why aren’t you running?
Somebody has died. This is a murder case. Why are you acting so relaxed?
20. Why have you got your tie undone?
You should be working all through the night Barnaby. ALL NIGHT.
21. Why have you stopped to have some dinner and a nice glass of wine? MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE DIED.
Speaking about food and drink.
22. Is that somebody dropping ribena into water?
23. Oh great someone else is now dead, right?
If you didn’t waste time drinking wine, walking slowly and thinking about ribena we wouldn’t be here right now. But this death produces new leads.
24. What is about to happen? This is so crucial…
Oh wait. You’ve fallen asleep.
25. Oh god I haven’t fallen asleep in front of the TV have I?
Yes. You have. Well done you.
It’s now 10.55pm. You have woken up in front of the television, only to find that Barnaby has caught the person responsible for the murders.
Oh of course. It was the brother-in-law’s secret cousin’s lesbian lover’s dog walker who killed everyone.
But having gotten your guess of who was guilty wrong (before passing out for most of the entire show), you’re starting to wish that there was a different culprit entirely.
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