This is the latest revolution in shopping…
… and it is guaranteed to make you throw a brick through a window afterwards.
2. Especially when the person in front of you has decided to forget about the “ten items or less” rule.
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE.
3. You get to the checkout, but your item doesn’t have a barcode. You have to find it on here now.
Press anything by mistake? This will now happen…
4. The ‘Traffic Light Of Doom’ will start flashing.
A flustered shop assistant, who has already been dealing with a customer who has decided to bring through three trollies past the self-checkouts, spends six minutes correcting your error.
5. Bought something light? Great. It is too light for the scales to notice that it is there at all.
It will NEVER notice that your item is there. The only way that the scales will notice that something is there is if one packet of chewing gum weighs about 100 kg or if you only buy 100 packets of Wrigleys Extra in one go.
And guess what happens when you press “call for help”?
6. The ‘TRAFFIC LIGHT OF DOOM’ will go off…
And the store assistant is unavailable, helping five other customers who are all currently encountering the same problem as you right now.
7. Brought your own bag? Scales won’t work? Won’t scan?
8. GUESS WHAT HAPPENS NEXT EVERYONE…
That’s the worst thing about self-service checkouts, right?
10. These announcements really make you feel relaxed.
11. It’s only after nine months of using them that you find the mute button (it’s at the bottom btw).
12. The till also likes to only deduct special offers at the end of your transaction, just before you pay.
This means that you either go through most of the transaction constantly thinking “oh my god oh my god will it discount my Tesco value pasta sauce?” and it does…
… or you have to wave your arms and frustrate an already flustered store assistant about how this crime in humanity meant that you were shortchanged by £0.89.
13. And if you’re buying any alcohol? No problem at all.
The customer service assistant is currently giving you death stares by the way.
Now it is the exciting part. P-A-Y-M-E-N-T.
14. Would you like any of our promotional items?
15. You get only a meagre amount of joy doing this.
16. And if you pay by card and you forget your pin, or you take out your debit card half a second before you technically should, the machine shouts out in front of the whole store…
How quiet and restrained you are.
17. And you ALWAYS get a receipt…
You might not think that this is that much of a problem at first, but it is…
18. … as your wallet will end up looking like this.
19. The thing is, we shouldn’t have to settle with the machines the whole time. There are often store assistants available on other tills. It takes no more time.
The more we use these self-checkout machines, there more machines there will be, which would mean less store assistants needed and more people unemployed.
20. We know this. And what do you we use despite all of these deep frustrations? The self-service checkout.
EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?