1. What day is it? No really. Tell me. What day is it?
2. Christmas Day? CHRISTMAS DINNER.
6. And don’t even think about the amount of empty bottles there currently are in your recycling bin.
7. Everything is currently a little bit weird. All the people you normally listen to on the radio aren’t there.
8. Newspapers are even more paper thin than usual.
10. It’s not like there is much news anyway. There’s just the queen’s Christmas speech…
11. The only other news at this time of year is the sales. You feel sorry for the journalist who has to report on them.
Their report will consist of people standing outside shopping centres looking quite excited/cold.
There will then be a footage of thousands of tourists bursting into a store at 400 miles per hour.
And the report is then followed by an interview with a retail boss boasting about how great it all is.
12. Do you do Boxing Day sales? No you don’t.
Because this footage makes you hate everyone. That’s why.
13. You decide that you’re going to avoid the crowds but still get some bargains. You’ll do it next month.
But after three days not doing much after Christmas…
YOU HEAD OUT AND GIVE IT ALL A GO BUT…
See? If you were there two days earlier it wouldn’t have happened.
14. Speaking of all of this shopping lark… Why are there now so many sofa adverts at this time of year?
For months we’ve had meaningful adverts telling us how important and special Christmas is…
Now they want you out the house 6 a.m. Boxing Day.
CAN YOU JUST LEAVE US ALONE FOR 10 MINUTES?