1. For example, you’ll enjoy wondering why most of the show consists of him wearing this very stange thing called “clothes”. Yeah, I know.
What is that fabric? It’s distracting. I can’t.
But it’s not only this…
3. And the fact that Gabby Logan manages to say this with a straight face at the start of each week’s show.
4. And you particularly admire the fact that a show consisting of about ten three-second dives…
… can manage to occupy 90 minutes of prime-time TV.
5. Then there are the “celebrities” who take part…
7. Any dive they do? “Incredible”… apparently.
STANDING OF OVATION BY TOM DALEY / 30 PEOPLE IN AUDIENCE.
8. Then there’s the judges.
9. But don’t diss her. Jo supplies words of wisdom.
10. The supposed excitement in the show? When somebody goes from a slightly high board to an even higher board.
Your reaction to this? You feel nothing.
You really don’t care, do you? The only thing you care about is whether they spectacularly injure themselves.
11. Whilst the judges and the presenters are sympathetic to their injuries, you’re like…
12. After six dives? A DANCE NUMBER.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
A man in a suit on a bicycle riding into the middle of a swimming pool? THIS SHOW IS AMAZING.
(FYI you have now drunk a lot of wine)
13. BUT NEVER MIND THAT. It’s the results. The “celebrities” are now lined up on small diving boards.
Why? I HAVEN’T GOT A CLUE.
14. The two with the lowest scores? They compete in the “SPLASH-OFF”, which is not a double entrendre.
THE OTHER CONTESTANT DIVE?
Nearly exactly the same.