We’ve gone through the Radio Times for you.
Apart from Sherlock and Doctor Who, what are the essential programmes and films you cannot afford to miss?
1. There’s Father Ted’s “A Christmassy Ted”, arguably the best Christmas episode of anything ever.
Why? Well look no further than Ted and a whole lot of priests getting lost in the lingerie department.
When is it on? More4 on Sat 21st December. 10pm.
2. Then there’s the Muppet Christmas Carol!
The big question is whether the deleted song “When Love Is Gone” will be played this year. Michael Caine MUST sing.
Watching it has become a yearly Twitter tradition.
Public service announcement: Muppet Christmas Carol is on channel 4. This is not a drill! Go, go, go!
EVERYONE. Stop what you’re doing. The Muppets’ Christmas Carol has just started on Channel 4.
Another Ugly Sister
VERY IMPORTANT: MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL IS ON. STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND WATCH IT.
When is it? 4.25pm. Christmas Day. C4.
You only really watch it for this moment.
And you enjoy it a lot more if you’ve had a couple of bottles of wine first.
You hope it is your house they are flying over…
… then you realise that it is Brighton they are flying over.
But will you watch the ending? NO YOU WON’T…
… unless you drink all the wine in the house. ALL THE WINE IN THE HOUSE.
When is it on? Sunday 22nd Dec. Channel 4. 6.25pm.
Miss it? It’s on 1.40pm at Christmas Day on Channel 4.
4. There’s also this tradition on Christmas Day.
And there’s Top Of The Pops 2 on BBC2, which will consist of Steve Wright or Mark Radcliffe playing Noddy Holder until your eyes start to bleed.
5. And there’s Mary Poppins! You love this film. Throughout it you’ll make observations like…
Third thing you’re guaranteed to say: “Dick Van Dyke’s accent is atrocious.”
6. Oh and when is Love Actually on? It is on…
Ha not really. But it is on three times on ITV1 and ITV2 between Xmas Day and NYE.
7. There’s also Elf on Channel 4…. oh wait no.
You can instead catch it multiple times on Sky Movies Christmas, along with another popular festive favourite film: Miracle of 34th Street.
8. Not a film fan? Well there’s Charlie Brooker’s 2013 Wipe. This is absolutely absolutely guaranteed to happen.
Watch it on BBC 2, on 10.40pm on Saturday 28th December.
9. There are other TV traditions that we will all share, like feeling sorry for the news presenter doing the evening broadcast on Christmas Day…
11. Plus there’s the countless “OHMYGOD there’s nothing on TV” moments you will experience on Christmas Day.
What is amazing? Eddie Stobart: 12 Days of Christmas on C5 of course.
12. And of course, there’s the fireworks on New Years Eve.
BBC One, obviously. Coverage starts at 11.55pm.
13. Jools Holland’s Hootenanny is then on BBC 2, where you will argue whether everyone is drunk and why this show is pre-recorded.
I bet Jools watches Hootenanny every year on telly while being horribly drunk and playing some incoherent boogie woogie piano. #hootenanny
This Hootenanny is pre-recorded because no self respecting person would go to it if it was actually on now.