12 Reasons You Have An Existential Crisis When You Eat At Wagamama

“Hey there. Let me draw all over your table with your order for no reason.”

Wagamama is the crystal meth of restaurant chains. It’s an addiction. It eases the pain. It’s just taking over your body. It just won’t stop. It absolutely just won’t stop.

Every time you visit Wagamama, you think to yourself…

1. “WHY AM I EATING AT WAGAMAMA AGAIN?”

Tim Walker / Creative Commons (CC BY 2.0) / Flickr: Flickr: timjoyfamily

InSapphoWeTrust / Creative Commons / Flickr: Flickr: 56619626@N05

 

I mean, just think of your current circumstances. You don’t have any money right now. You don’t have any time. You’re in town with a friend who despises Japanese food and has told you repeatedly that they absolutely loathe Wagamama and would really prefer it if you went with them to Pizza Express instead.

Yet here you are, waiting outside, holding a menu folded in half.

2. This sign is making you sexually frustrated.

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

Imagine Cup /youtube.com

 

“Please wait here for noodles!” the sign proudly proclaims. “PLEASE WAIT HERE FOR NOODLES”. You’re getting turned on right now. You’re getting weirdly, sexually frustrated, by the fact you will be eating a chicken katsu curry within the next minutes.

But then you wait. You wait a bit more. You wait some more. Time passes. Youth fades. Your friend who doesn’t like Japanese food is seriously thinking of killing you with the smooth corner of their menu. It was all going well… you were moving forward. But now? Nothing. Minutes turn to hours. Days turn to weeks. You are waiting for noodles. You’ll be waiting for noodles until the day you die.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

3. The waiter gives you a seat, but you already EXACTLY know what you want to order.

 

Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry. Chicken katsu curry.

You proclaim: “I AM ORDERING A CHICKEN KATSU CURRY AND A MISO SOUP.”

Oh great where the tits has the waiter gone?

4. You then experience guilt when you are tempted to eat something different on the menu but you can’t.

 

“Maybe next time I will eat the (you look at the menu) mahi mahi curry…
Next time I will try something new and broaden my horizons. Take risks!”

Guaranteed what you will say to the waiter 10000%: “a chicken katsu curry please.”

5. Then there is the dilemma of whether you should be adventurous and order the “tea-stained egg.”

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

 

Mind says yes. Body says no.

“Wait here noodles” says no too. Everyone says no.

6. The waiter comes over. You feel a bit weird saying the numbers next to the food you really want to eat.

Wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock

 

79% of the time you resort to just saying the meal name, hoping that you haven’t got the pronunciation totally wrong. And, if do pronounce it wrong you just resort to doing this: point at the food, point at it. POINT AT THE FOOD. POINT AT IT.

7. For no reason, they then draw all over your table.

“So that will be a chicken katsu curry. Anything else?”

You’re told that your meals will be coming out at different times.

Your reaction? “Yeah, yeah yeaaaahhhhhhhhhhh.”

8. Your friend has received their starter and they are tucking in. You have not received a starter but have so far only received a miso soup.

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

BBC / Doctor Who

 

You’re feeling even more sexually frustrated right now.

9. You then spill the contents of your miso soup everywhere. And I mean absolutely everywhere.

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

However, you see a long queue of people waiting to get into Wagamama too. You pity them. You think “ha ha ha ha ha ha ha look at those people just LOOK.”

10. You then realise that you only have chopsticks and no knife and fork. The fear sets in.

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

youtube.com / Alanis Morissette

 

11. Then your friend (who hates Japanese food) receives their main course. You have not yet received yours.

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

 

FOR YOU SEE WHAT DELIGHT AWAITS YOUR FACE.

MMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF….

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

Scott Bryan / BuzzFeed

 

With a fork and spoon too no less.

MMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF…….

OH YEAH OH YEAH OH YEAH MMMMMMMMMFFFF…

12. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFFFFFFFFFF….

BUT HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO TUCK IN?

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