10 Christmas Things You Just Have To Get This Year

Everything from Asda Christmas crumpets to Christmas bleach.

1. Asda is selling crumpets shaped like Christmas trees.

Am I the only one who has a serious craving for crumpets right now?

2. And party food consisting of doner kebabs.

Start your night with the food from the end of your night. CHRISTMAS IN REVERSE.

3. M&S is selling bottles of port wearing jumpers.

Charitable knitted Innocent Smoothies hats? YEAH WHATEVS.

4. It’s also selling these Brussels sprouts…

…that are actually made out of chocolate, ENDING THE AWFUL EXPERIENCE OF EATING BRUSSELS SPROUTS .

5. And Sainsbury’s is selling festive Christmas bleach.

BECAUSE BLEACH JUST SCREAMS CHRISTMAS.

6. But in good news, the man at the till at the Sainsbury’s in Burpham IS LIKE ACTUAL SANTA.

7. Lidl thinks that you’ll love eating Blitzen.

Yes, really.

8. Meanwhile Tesco think that this is “ideal for Christmas”.

9. So does Aldi, which think that you would love to wipe your arse with “fun, festive designs”.

10. Still, could be worse.

Thank you, Tesco.

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