If You’re Dating A Vampire You’re Doing It Wrong

Literally any other supernatural creature would be a better idea. Here’s proof.

1. Guys. Dating a vampire would be awful.

Bob Mahoney/ The CW

Don’t be fooled by the sexiness. It’s a terrible decision.

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2. Mackin’ it with literally any other paranormal critter is a better idea than getting it on with a vampire.

20th Century Fox / Via fanpop.com
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3. Even, like, Swamp Thing. He’s a doctor, an environmentalist, super tall and entirely vegetarian.

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4. Swamp thing also absorbs sunlight, rather than catching on fire and dying immediately.

Or doing this.

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5. Satyrs are the mythological sidekicks of Dionysus, Greek god of wine and partying, so they know how to have a good time.

Disney / Via creativeuncut.com
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6. You know who can’t get drunk? Vampires.

Bruce Weber/Vanity Fair / Via vanityfair.com

Any dude who prefers a pint of your vein gravy to some merlot is no keeper.

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7. Shapeshifters are awesome and can turn into anything you want.

20th Century Fox / Via powerlisting.wikia.com
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8. Vampires are stuck with the same body forever. Warning: may result in an immortal zit.

Or neckbeard.

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9. Ghosts are low-maintenance partners— they don’t need food, or water, or shirts.

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10. And there’s plenty of ways to be intimate with a ghost that don’t involve bleeding out on your duvet.

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11. Think of all the movies you could sneak into with the invisible man! All the awesome pranks you could pull together!

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12. He photographs better than your vampire anyway.

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13. Mermaids require a bit more maintenance—like hanging out in the bathtub, and at the beach.

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14. Which beats hanging out in crypts and dungeons all the time.

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15. At least a bridge troll owns real estate. Dateable.

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16. Compare that to vampires, who, being legally dead and nocturnal, can’t hold down a job more ambitious than overnight stock boy. Or blogger.

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17. Most importantly, all of these creatures have one thing in common.

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19. Won’t.

HBO / Via hbo.com
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20. Fucking.

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22. You.

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