1. Guys. Dating a vampire would be awful.
Don’t be fooled by the sexiness. It’s a terrible decision.
2. Mackin’ it with literally any other paranormal critter is a better idea than getting it on with a vampire.
3. Even, like, Swamp Thing. He’s a doctor, an environmentalist, super tall and entirely vegetarian.
4. Swamp thing also absorbs sunlight, rather than catching on fire and dying immediately.
Or doing this.
5. Satyrs are the mythological sidekicks of Dionysus, Greek god of wine and partying, so they know how to have a good time.
6. You know who can’t get drunk? Vampires.
Any dude who prefers a pint of your vein gravy to some merlot is no keeper.
7. Shapeshifters are awesome and can turn into anything you want.
8. Vampires are stuck with the same body forever. Warning: may result in an immortal zit.