1. “Film” is a pretty ironic title for your major, since you never shoot on the stuff.
“Wtf is this shit?”
2. A good director of photography is irreplaceable. Except by a kid with their own steadicam rig.
What’s his name again? Whatever, the shot looks great.
3. And anyone with a car has a guaranteed spot on your crew.
4. The second most important person on set is the director. The most important person on set is the PA who delivers the coffee and pizza.
5. Some film lingo just never leaves your vocabulary.
6. Flirting with the people running the equipment checkout counter is sometimes the only way to get all the gear you need.
And maybe even a nicer camera. Maybe.
7. Besides just outright bribing them.
But probably with an offer to AD for them instead of money.
8. Bad lighting is reason enough to hate a movie, redecorate your entire apartment, and leave a restaurant mid-meal.
9. Nothing will make your dorm room look like anything besides a dorm room, no matter how inspired your art direction.
Never shoot in your dorm. Unless your location is a dorm. Then, use your friend’s.
10. “Producer” is just a code word for “you will never sleep again.”
At least until post.
11. Dolly shots are gorgeous, and impressive, and take like seven hours to get 12 seconds of decent footage.
They’ve been on that one take for four days.
12. Bad sound is the quickest way to turn your masterpiece into an 8th grade class project.
13. Anyone still hanging this poster in their room is probably terrible.
We get it, you like non-linear narratives. Don’t be That Guy.
15. You will constantly beg your friends to be extras. They will not want to.
Wake up at 6am and stand around for eight hours? Nah, I’m cool.
16. So you will spend a large portion of your production budget paying them back.
17. Special effects makeup is pricey, but worth it.
If it doesn’t turn out looking hilariously cheesy.
19. Except when you TOTALLY CAN.
Break whatever rules you want! Nothing matters! Anarchy!
20. “Auditions” always end in you casting your friends anyway.
21. Weekends are for shooting. Weekdays are for elective classes and drinking.
22. Sometimes your professors assign you films to watch just to troll you.
23. You can never give yourself too much credit.
24. No one should have let you screen your terrible Freshman projects in front of living, breathing human people.
25. “Magic Hour” is the only time of day that matters.
Quick, shoot the whole film!
26. Editing mistakes are just the worst.
27. You’ve seen everything before and can’t help but spoil movies for your non-film friends.
28. Which is why no one actually wants to watch a movie with you anymore.
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