1. You smell like dark-roasted sex after work.
Cheaper than cologne.
2. The screech of coffee beans being ground has gone from “torture” to “I could fall asleep to this.”
3. Whenever you’re tired at work, free coffee is right there to revive you.
4. You get to be the fabled Cute Barista some of your customers swoon over.
Caffeine: secret aphrodisiac.
5. Which means moves like this might actually result in a date:
6. You get to be a coffee snob in your own home.
You buy the good stuff. You earned it.
7. Your refined palate can tell the difference between four pumps of hazelnut flavor syrup and three-and-a-half pumps.
8. You’re a pro at (literally) not crying over spilled milk, even though it’s sticky and gross and ugh I can’t even.
9. The instant job gratification when your customers take the first sip of a job well done.
10. “Appropriate work attire” includes all manner of piercings, half-sleeve tattoos, and band T-shirts.
As long as you wear your apron.
12. You can get creative experimenting with new types of drinks.
“It’ll taste awesome, I promise.”
14. You don’t trifle with that “grande” nonsense when you’re out ordering your own coffee.
Everyone understands “medium” just fine.