2. Take a Small Sip
-Every time Piper has a flashback.
-Every time Piper does something WASPY.
-Every time you find yourself humming the theme song randomly throughout the episode.
-Every time you wonder why officer Bennett is with Daya instead of you.
-Every time Pornstache is called by his real name.
-Every time Red punishes a prisoner.
-Every time Alex talks about doing and/or dealing drugs (we get it, you were good).
-Every time officer Healy says “Lesbian.”
-Every time someone tells the “eggplant joke.”
-Every time a tampon and/or pad is used for purposes other than…well, you know.
6. Take a Large Gulp
-Every time Larry cries (and you feel uncomfortable watching).
-Every time Crazy Eyes lives up to her name.
-Every time an inmates cries.
-Every time an inmate has sex with an officer.
-Every time you think Yoga Jones looks too frail to last the episode.
-Every time Taystee breaks it down on the dance floor.
-Every time you think Nikki and Alex are about to get it on.
-Every time an inmate does an impression of someone of a different race
(Bonus: finish your drink for anyone who doesn’t appreciate Taystee and Poussey’s “White People Be Like.” Then go home.)
10. Chug Like the Cops are Coming
-Every time there is contraband in a scene (ahem, screwdriver).
-Every time there’s a physical fight.
-Every time you see the chicken.
-Every time you hear the swirl song.
-Every time you wonder how Donna Pinciotti’s life got so messed up
(Bonus: finish your drink for anyone who doesn’t know the reference).
-Every time Suzanne quotes Shakespeare
-Every time you think “Man, I’m glad I’m not watching this with my mom.”