"He combs it forward, so it reaches down past his nose, and then he folds it back, and then he sprays it." So we know how. But other questions remain unanswered. What? Why?
1983: The Hair Begins
You can spend your entire life trying to find a style that works for you hair. For Donald Trump, that discovery was made by the young age of 37. Certainly, Trump could have sported his distinguishing comb-over earlier, but due to a dearth of photographs, we can only be certain he was maintaining this style as early as November 1983.
1984: In Living Color
Taken March 8, 1984, this is the earliest known color photograph of Donald Trump's hair. As you can see, he chose a light brown color, accentuated by a slight curl as the neck. According to some witnesses, the bottom wave was added on in 1982, shortly after Harrah's $250 million complex opened at Trump Plaza.
1986: Lighten Up
Trump bought out Harrah's and Hilton Hotels in Atlantic City in 1986 and renamed them to Trump Plaza Hotel and Casino and Trump's Castle, respectively. To balance the newfound heaviness of his pocketbook, Trump lightened his hair color to a soft blonde. His part moved one millimeter to the right.
1990: Longer and Uncut
In 1990, the falling real estate market reduced the value of Trump's empire from an estimated $1.7 billion to $500 million. To match the darkness of the times, Trump moved his color to Pantone 875 C and lengthened his man-bob.
1992: Red-dy for marriage
In December 1992, Donald Trump married his longtime mistress Marla Maples. For the wedding he chose a ruddy brown color which imbued a confident, masculine quality to his signature coiffure.
1997: Golden Guy
In September 1997, after Trump's wealth climbed back to $1.4 billion, Trump filed for divorce from Ms. Maples. For his newly single, carefree life, Donald Trump decided to keep the length and move on the a golden hue that highlighted his vast wealth.
1999: Baby Poop Brown
In October 1999, Donald Trump made his first bid for the presidency by appearing on the California primary ballot for the Reform Party. Shortly after, he withdrew his candidacy, but it was too late: Trump was bitten by the running-for-president bug. His gray-brown color hints at his disappointment at losing the candidacy intermixed with his joy of coming to terms with his life goal.
2003: Green and Mean
In 2003, Donald Trump announced his new show, "The Apprentice," of which he would host and executive produce. Trump shortened his man-bob into a long back hairdo. He also gave his hair a green tint to call attention to the millions of greenbacks he had in da bank.
2005: Volume and Sheen
In 2005 Trump married Melania, so he brought back a lighter version of his golden chrome sheen. Trump also switched to a more airy hairspray which gave his coif more volume without weighing it down.
2006: The Subtle Mullet Returns
In 2006, Trump bought the Menie estate in Aberdeenshire, Scotland, growing his golf empire. As a nod to the Scots, Trump lengthened his neck hair into a subtle mullet and give it a soft swoosh outward, reminiscent of his hair style for 20 years prior.
2010: Can't Box Him In
In May 2010, Trump opted for a subtle dark blonde color. His biggest change occurred in the end of the swoosh: now his neck hair ended at a 90 degree angle. Trump's new angled, serious appearance can be credited to his new Honorary Doctor of Business Administration (Hon. D.B.A.) he received from Robert Gordon University in 2010.
2011: Trump "Heads" To Latin America
Donald Trump started his torrid love affair with Latin America in 2011 with the opening of the Trump Ocean Club in Panama City in July 2011. In it's honor, Trump gave his hair the same yellow color in Panama's coat of arms. Yet his blunt cut neck hair remained, hinting at his true feelings: "Panama, I hate you, but I can't quit you."
2013: Granny Hair
In June 2013, Trump started sporting the gray/silver hair first popularized by Kelly Osbourne in 2012. By 2015, #grannyhair would be a huge trend, with Cara Delevigne, Rihanna, and other celebrities adopting silver locks that year. Thus Trump joined the fad while it was still cool and before it became "overdone" and "hipster."
2015: Ombre for President
Leading in the polls for the Republican candidate for presidency, Trump knew it was the time to stand out. He chose to balayage his hair, dying the roots silver and darkening the hue into a green gold. His current hair says, "I'm hip, I'm cool, but I'm also angry," a message that has really hit hard in middle America.
2017: Donald Trump, Leader of the Free Hair
After Trump outfits the Oval Office with gaudy gold touches, this modern day Midas will match his hair with 458 C. When he meets with Ali Khamenei to renegotiate the Iran deal, the Supreme Leader will have no choice but to bow down to his awesome hair. His golden locks will shine a light on all of America and a shadow on Mexico (there will be a wall blocking his light). Even Chinese citizens will start dying their hair and sporting his comb-over, proving once and for all that the whole world needs and loves Trump. Biblical scholars will uncover an ancient depiction of Jesus that proves once and for all that Jesus was super white, and also, he has Trump's hair style. God bless Trump, and God save his hair.