10 Most Essential "Throwing Shade" Tour Quotes

Homosensual Bryan Safi and Feminasty Erin Gibson just wrapped up their “Sushi to Casserole” tour for their podcast “Throwing Shade.” If you weren’t in LA, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco, Minneapolis, or Chicago for the shows, the audio for the Chicago tour is available on their site at throwingshade.com. They discuss important issues, like the DOMA and Prop 8 rulings, Texas Senator Wendy Davis, and nude hoes. Here are some of the best quotes.

1. On Chicago

Erin: “I actually started my comedy career here.”
Bryan: “What comedy career!?”
Erin: “Well, I started it, and then ended it, and now this.”

Bryan likes to keep Erin grounded. “Throwing Shade” isn’t comedy. It’s art. And dick jokes.

2. On Children’s Magazines

Erin: “This month, I was named ‘Tightest Vagina’ by Highlights Magazine.”

In her defense, it WOULD boost sales.

3. On “The Knot’s” Gay Wedding Issue

Bryan, quoting “The Knot”: “If you’re wearing the exact same suit, try a different shirt! Different things make things look different.”
Bryan: “My question here is, ‘What the fuck’s a shirt!?’ If you’re going to talk down to me, start at the beginning, Knot.”

4. On Bryan Losing It Over “The Knot”

Bryan, quoting “The Knot”: “Who should we include in the wedding party?”
Bryan: “Who the FUCK is asking these questions, Helen Keller? I know what a fucking wedding is! I know what a wedding is! I know what a wedding party is! I’ve been to them! I’m not Jennifer Aniston! I know what a wedding is!”

5. On Staying On Topic

Bryan: “You’ve gotta treat dogs with respect, and if you see a dead dog in the middle of the street, move it over, and you know, whatever you wanna do with it after that. Erin, you have been married.”
Erin: “Good segue!”

6. On Priorities

Erin: “John McCain has been VERY clear that he wants the Republicans to back down off from all these attacks on reproductive rights, because we have bigger fish to fry in America. We have jobs problems, national security problems, Taco Bell is making a volcano burrito….”

7. On Abortion Legislation

Erin: “…Trent Franks, who said that there need not be an exception for rape because, ‘The incidence of pregnancy from rape is low,’ and he knows that because the Tootsie Roll owl told him that in a fever dream.”

8. On Absolutely Flawless Insults

Erin: “Anti-choice politicians hide behind the rhetoric that they are protecting the young, the unborn, children, which is a bunch of fucking bullshit. All they care about is being dumb-face cock-faces!”

9. On Unwarranted Excitement

Erin: “Texas fucks up everything. They’re #4 in teen pregnancies. They’re #1 in REPEAT teen pregnancies.”
Bryan: “NUMBER ONE!!!”

10. On Amanda Bynes

Bryan: “I never thought I would really get with that whole thing with her. I’m with it! I feel badly for her, I do, but I love that she insults people by calling them ugly. I actually think that’s kind of fresh. It’s so mean and easy, but like beautiful, like, ‘I hate you! You’re ugly! I don’t have to listen to you! You’re ugly!’ Can you imagine saying that to somebody!? The only thing I don’t like about her is she can CERTAINLY lay an insult to a wig, and I don’t appreciate that.”

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