1. You watch Law & Order the way regular people watch sports.
“Well, I would have objected lack of personal knowledge.”
3. If you have to interact with the police, never fear, you have case law on your side.
Turns out sitting through pretrial was good for something.
4. You still take notes on these.
Look at the length on that baby. That’s what I’m talking about.
6. You have posed for this photograph many, many times.
10. You accidentally use mock trial terms — like “strike that” or “sustained” — in day-to-day conversation.
You hear bad gossip? Objection heresay.
Someone derails a conversation? Objection relevance.
11. It was hard to break the habit of saying “your honor” at the end of every sentence.
“Yes, your honor.”
12. You had a signature hand gesture, like this:
The classic “waiting for the defendant to walk into the death trap that is my cross” fingertip touch.
The “why would he have said that if he hadn’t already known the files were missing” hyperbolic faux shrug.
All fingers together now: “Meanwhile my client, who is mourning the loss of her close friend and classmate, sits here today accused of a crime she did not commit.”
14. And a game face.
One you did not break even after delivering a perfect close.
16. Oh, and when your opponent slipped up? You knew it and you nailed ‘em.
“May I direct the court’s attention to the second page of the defendant’s statement to the police…”
20. (Also caffeine.)
22. And then when you try to explain it they’re like:
“So your school’s prosecution faces the opposing’s team defense while a judge, who’s not judging but just acting as judge — you know what? Never mind.”