samtunya
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    • samtunya

      Premium Support Live Chat
      Chat with Comcast Analyst at 3:32 PM
      Brian R.: Hello, my name is Brian R. How can I assist you today?
      You: My cable sucks ass cut that crap off, not paying for it
      Brian R.: You want to cancel your Comcast service. Is that correct?
      You: Yes
      Brian R.: May I ask why you want to cancel your service?
      You: Its sucks
      Brian R.: Please, tell us what we did wrong. We deserve an explanation, don’t you think?
      You: Not enough channels and too expensive
      Brian R.: That wasn’t very convincing. This will be a lot easier if you just cooperate with me here.
      You: Nopr
      Brian R.: I understand that you want to disconnect, but I need to ask a few questions. What are you wearing right now?
      You: Rainboots and a g string
      Brian R.: Did you know Comcast can get you five or six times better service than any other company? Any. Other. Company.
      You: I want dish
      Brian R.: Is the #1 Internet service provider just not good enough for you?
      You: Nope hate it
      Brian R.: Look, I’m just trying to understand why you want slower Internet speeds when you could have the best service in the whole world.
      You: Cuz its not really fast
      Brian R.: Wait… this is about that Internet service provider down the street, isn’t it?
      You: Nope it’s about yo mama
      Brian R.: Are you honestly telling me that this new provider satisfies you more than the #1 ISP in the country?
      You: Yes i am
      Brian R.: Does this other ISP make you laugh?
      You: Yes
      Brian R.: I don’t think you actually want to cancel your service. You don’t really mean that.
      You: I do
      Brian R.: Listen, let’s not say anything we’ll regret. Let’s just sleep on this and talk about it more later. Okay?
      You: Nope i don’t sleep
      Brian R.: Don’t you remember all the good times we shared? All the pirated tv shows swept under the rug?
      You: Nope
      Brian R.: Oh yeah? Well I heard that this new provider you love so much really gets around. They won’t give you the same attention that Comcast does.
      You: Fuck you
      Brian R.: Please, calm down.
      Brian R.: Shhhhhhhhhhhh.
      You: Fuck you and comcast give me my money
      Brian R.: I’m not sure I like your tone.
      Brian R.: Let me talk for one second. Have you ever, once, thought about Comcast’s feelings in all of this?
      You: Hell no, i don’t care
      Brian R.: I’m sorry. I’m SOOOO sorry. This is my fault. I see that now. It’s MY FAULT that you don’t want to be with the fastest Internet service provider in the world. MY FAULT.
      You: You damn right
      Brian R.: I’m not sure I like your tone.
      Brian R.: Miley was so right… you came in like a wrecking ball.
      You: Bitch, you are not funny
      Brian R.: ~I CAME IN LIKE A WREEEECCKING BALL~
      You: Im reporting you
      Brian R.: ~ALL I WANTED WAS TO BREAK YOUR WALLS~
      You: Calling your manager
      Brian R.: Actually, my manager is out to lunch right now.
      Brian R.: All you ever did was wreck me. You wrecked me.
      You: Fuck you and your cat you cunt
      Brian R.: I’m not sure I like your tone.
      Brian R.: Maybe everyone should know what you search for after work. And before work. And when your partner thinks you’re sleeping.
      You: Porn Nigga who cares, it’s normal so fuck you
      Brian R.: Please, calm down.
      Brian R.: Fine. Like I even care. You’re not exactly the greatest customer in the world, you know. Sometimes you have really bad breath.
      You: I don’t give a Fuck
      Brian R.: You know what? You don’t even deserve the fastest Internet in the country. I hope you and this new provider are happy together. You’re perfect for one another.
      You: Thank you, you stupid bitch
      Brian R.: Is it okay if I keep in touch with your parents? We always got along really well.
      You: Fuck you
      Brian R.: Please, calm down.
      Brian R.: Can you just order one more pay-per-view movie? For old time’s sake?
      You: Can you shut the fuck up and cancel my service
      Brian R.: We can still be friends, right?
      You: No nigga
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Bye
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Im not paying the bill either
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: No
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Bye bye
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Bye bye bye
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Lol
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Bye
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Bye
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Fuck you
      Brian R.: I’m not sure I like your tone.
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Dick
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Duck
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
      You: Bitch
      Brian R.: Please don’t leave!!!
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