1. Jury Duty
Out of all of our pesky national obligations, trudging through a day of jury duty is arguably the most annoying. The worst part? Nobody is exempt. Nobody.
(Please note: we also would’ve accepted “Watching Jury Duty starring Pauly Shore.”)
2. Awkward First Dates
Let’s make an awkward first date check-list! Print this out and take it on your next OKCupid outing, and maybe — just maybe — it’ll help the hours crawl by:
[ ] Nothing to talk about.
[ ] No sense of humor.
[ ] Is a decade older than their pictures.
[ ] Speaks exclusively in the third person.
[ ] Wears Crocs to dinner.
[ ] The words “I consider Ayn Rand a role model” are uttered.
[ ] Brings their mother along as a chaperone.
[ ] Is wearing not one, but two fedoras.
[ ] Pays for their meal with Spanish doubloons.
[ ] Is, in fact, a bear wearing human clothing.
3. Visiting The DMV
There are few things more soul crushing than the purgatorial cesspool of muddled legal documents and testy low-level government employees that is the Department of Motor Vehicles. If we were writing a list of “Best Places To Have An Existential Crisis,” the DMV would easily swipe the number one spot.
4. Going To The Dentist
It may be one of life’s great necessary evils, but we’d give just about anything to skip out on the painful prodding, poking, scraping, and drilling that constitutes a routine dental check-up. It’s funny how minutes easily turn to hours and hours to days when a gloved hand is poking a power tool into your cavities. And by “funny” we mean “absolutely horrifying.”
5. Waiting In Line At The Post Office
Things proven by science to move faster than post office queues: a turtle coated in molasses, an oak tree maturing to adulthood, the earth’s tectonic plates, a hardened criminal learning to love, the American justice system (hey-o!), glaciers with nowhere important to be…we could go on.
6. Getting Through Airport Security
Here’s a fun group exercise: let’s discuss our most pleasant and efficient airport security experiences.
Exactly. In fact, let’s just call this one “Everything At All Pertaining To Airports Ever” and call it a day.
7. Riding Public Transportation
You’re stuffed shoulder-to-shoulder with sweaty commuters, some seven-foot Samoan dude is standing on your feet, the train has screeched to a sudden halt in the graffiti-strewn subway tunnel, and an elderly gent’s just hocked a snotty cough on your trembling cheek. All excellent reasons to take up biking, if you ask us.
8. Trying To Fall Asleep
The only thing worse than laying awake during a restless night, pleading for the sweet siren song of sleep to wash over you? Knowing you have to wake up for work in a couple of hours.
9. Calling Tech Support
“Please. Say. ‘Agent.’ If. You’d. Like. To. Speak. To. A. Customer. Service. Representative.”
“I’m. Sorry. I. Didn’t. Quite. Get. That.”
10. Waiting For/Riding The Elevator
Let’s put it this way: anything and everything that has to do with being sealed in a dangling metal box should be over in nine seconds at the most.
Inspired By: The Samsung Series 9
Introducing the new Samsung Series 9. At just 0.58 inches thin, you’ll rethink size. With a 9.1-second boot time, you’ll rethink speed. And with its head-turning design, you may just rethink your loyalties. Rethink the laptop at Samsung.com/series9.