Email: the preferred method of communication of office workers across the world, allowing for instant communication.
BUT WITH GREAT POWER COMES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY. And time after time, mankind has proved it is not capable of correctly yielding the almighty tool that is “reply-all” for emails.
1. The problem is, people really, REALLY like to hear the sound of their own voice. Even if they actually aren’t technically speaking.
2. OCCASIONALLY they might have something intelligent to say.
3. But more often than not, you’d get a more coherent response if you spilled alphabet soup on your computer screen.
4. Like literally, making a third Hangover was a better idea than any time anyone has hit “reply-all.”
5. You know how it happens when you receive that first email. You hope — nay, you PRAY — that people will have the courtesy to not reply-all. But deep down, you know it will all be in vain.
6. When you get the first reply-all email, you know that the floodgates have opened. IT’S ONLY GOING TO GET WORSE.
7. And then they come, email after email, with each being even more mind-numbing than the last.
8. The worst part is, everyone ACTUALLY thinks what they have to say is important. Spoiler alert: IT ISN’T.
9. And then when someone asks, “Oh, did you see that thing in the email?” you’re all like NOPE.
10. God forbid you should have your phone turned on to have email alerts, because it is going to be vibrating off the hook like a fucking earthquake.
11. Email after endless email will flood your inbox. If you had a penny for every one of these emails, you would have a lot of pennies. A FUCK TON OF PENNIES.
12. If you are able to, you’ll pull the trigger and hit “mute,” removing yourself from the anarchy of the reply-all chain.
13. But sometimes you have to stay on the thread for who knows what reason, and you’ll have to ride it out like the maelstrom of bullshit it is.
14. And just when the thread has gone quiet, and you think it is all over, someone will reply-all and start the vicious cycle all over.
15. Basically, reply-alls are like a fucking hydra. You cut one head off, and three more grow in its place.
I mean, imagine a glorious world where reply-all didn’t work. Everything is beautiful, and nothing hurts.
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