1. There is no worse person on Earth than the person who steals your french fries.
2. But that rule totally doesn’t apply to you, because you steal fries all the time.
3. Even though Mom told you not to, you still snuck in a few snacks before the big Thanksgiving dinner.
4. You totally resent people who get their food before you at a restaurant.
5. And there is no worse agony in the world than getting your food first at the restaurant and having to be polite and wait.
6. You have absolutely NO shame in asking the waiter for more free bread for the table.
7. There is never, EVER any shame in taking seconds — or thirds, for that matter.
8. A requirement for making new friends is that they will order late-night pizza with you.
9. Sometimes, you’ll convince yourself that you’re sadder than you are so that you can enjoy that pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
10. You watch your food flash before your eyes as you wait the two minutes for grandpa to finish saying grace at holiday meals.
11. Dealbreaker for a date: someone who steals food off your plate without asking.
12. Your sink is full of spoons covered in Nutella and peanut butter, because that’s just how you eat it.
13. You’re on a first-name basis with several delivery guys — and may even have a crush on one of them.
14. When you eat out, you never have leftovers. Ever.
15. There are no worse words in the English language than “Do you want to split dessert?”
16. There aren’t three meals in your day, there are five — breakfast, lunch, midday snack, dinner, and late-night snack.
17. You have an undying hatred for when your friends tell you “Brunch is at 1!” because you’ve been hungry since 11.
18. You’ve flaked on plans because you were in a food coma, aka “calling in full.”
19. Drinking and going out is fun, but the best part of your weekend is actually drunk eating.
20. You’ve nearly ruined at least one friendship or relationship because of your hanger.
21. You’ve definitely paid for something at the grocery store that you’ve already started eating.
22. That comically “balanced breakfast” with, like, seven items in addition to the cereal is actually a reality for you.
23. You totally let go of your manners and get food all over your face when no one is watching.
24. When you’re visiting relatives, the only thing that gets you through the day is knowing there is dinner at the end.
25. You’ve tried to supersize a meal at a restaurant that wasn’t McDonalds.
26. When you travel, you couldn’t care less about the tourist attractions — trying new food is ALWAYS the best part of your trip.
But you do miss American-sized portions.