How Moist Are You Actually?

Are you a perspiration inspiration?

Kevork Djansezian / Getty Images
  1. Check off all that apply to you!
    1. You forgot to put deodorant on today.
    2. You oftentimes forget to put on deodorant.
    3. If you forget to put on deodorant, it’s not THAT big of a deal.
    4. You know what a “sniff check” is.
    5. You have perfected the art of the sniff check.
    6. Even if you have put on deodorant, you still get a little sweaty by the end of the day.
    7. You know what a T-zone is.
    8. You frequently have a shiny T-zone.
    9. You haven’t washed your hair today.
    10. You haven’t washed your hair this week.
    11. You haven’t showered today.
    12. You haven’t showered in two days.
    13. You’re thinking to yourself right now, “I probably need a shower!”
    14. You’ve showered and not used soap or shampoo.
    15. You burp often.
    16. You burp often, and don’t excuse yourself.
    17. You’ve farted today.
    18. You’ve farted today, and someone has noticed.
    19. You’ve farted today, and someone has noticed, and you didn’t care.
    20. You’re comfortable pooping outside the confines of your home.
    21. You’re comfortable pooping at work and/or school.
    22. You’re comfortable holding a conversation with someone while going to the bathroom.
    23. You’ve farted during sex.
    24. You’ve farted during sex, and laughed about it.
    25. You haven’t shaved today.
    26. You haven’t shaved this week.
    27. You haven’t washed your bedsheets this week.
    28. You haven’t washed your bedsheets this month.
    29. You can’t remember the last time you washed your bedsheets.
    30. Sometimes you don’t wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
    31. More often than not you don’t wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
    32. Or maybe you just wash them with water, no soap.
    33. Other people’s bodily functions don’t bother you that much.
    34. Like, everyone poops, right?
    35. And farts, too.
    36. In fact, you own up to your farts.
    37. And maybe you’re a little bit proud of them.
    38. You know what a “Dutch oven” is.
    39. You have Dutch-ovened someone.
    40. You’ve been wearing your underwear for more than a day.
    41. You’ve been wearing your underwear for longer than you should.
    42. You haven’t brushed your teeth today.
    43. Actually, if you skip brushing your teeth every now and then, it isn’t a big deal.
    44. And flossing? Out of the question.
    45. Sometimes, everyday activities cause you to perspire a bit.
    46. Or even the mere act of existing causes you to work up a bit of a stink.
    47. But you know what? You don’t really care.
    48. You burp, fart, and poop with reckless abandon.
    49. That’s because it makes you feel ALIVE.
    50. And you don’t give a crap what anyone else has to say about it.

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Editor, 2009 Prom King of New Canaan High School
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