Business In The Front, Party In The Bag

Although the Tech Locker is technically a laptop bag you’d take to work, BuzzFeed asked itself, “How many things can we fit in a Samsonite?”

1. For the ol’ 9-to-5

WHAT YOU CAN FIT:
(1) laptop, probably optimized for Excel
(like a ton of) pens, pencils
(3) Post-It note packs, because you can never have enough and probably need more
(1) set of business cards, for networkin’
(1) tablet, for “taking notes” during meetings
(1) phone, for making calls or whatever
(1) keyboard
(1) mouse
(1) power cord, so the comp doesn’t die
(3) notepads, for important notes
(1) stapler, because it’s your stapler:

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2. For a (Kind of) Romantic Picnic

WHAT YOU CAN FIT:
(1) box of delicious animal crackers
(2) wine glasses to impress your date
(2) condiment holders
(1) picnic basket (important)
(1) bubble mix
(1) box of chalk, for making art
(1) American flag
(1) American flag bandana, to show your patriotism/eat things on
(2) grapevines
(6) boxes of raisins
(1) bottle of Pellegrino
(1) set of forks
(1) set of knives
(8) popsicle makers
(1) pitcher

3. For a Pleasant Day at the Beach

WHAT YOU CAN FIT:
(1) cool hat, to shade your eyes
(1) water bottle for hydration
(1) bottle of sunscreen (there’s like no ozone layer at this point)
(3) Bud Light Limes, which is the best summer drink
(1) water gun, because obviously
(2) trashy magazines
(1) crossword puzzle book (to help negate the effects of the previous items)
(1) pair of goggles
(1) pair of chill flip-flops
(1) pair of sunglasses, preferably blue
(1) ball (any kind)
(1) spray bottle, to keep refreshed

4. For a Really Cool Birthday Party

WHAT YOU CAN FIT:
(1) can of silly string
(1+) streamers
(at least 3) tall boys/cold brews
(1) set of party hats
(1) birthday card, but preferably only if it is a birthday party
(1) roll of gift wrap (same)
(1) set of shot glasses (just for pounding sips of water, of course)
(1) disposable camera, for blackmail later
(1) pack of balloons
(1) pack of plates, just in case you eat
(1) set of party horns, or whatever they’re called
(1) pack of aspirin, for the morning after
(1) set of candles
(at least 3) Mardi Gras necklaces
(1) glitter, for glitter-bombing people

5. For An All-Night LAN Party

WHAT YOU CAN FIT:
(5) Pepsis, or Mountain Dews—every other soda is inappropriate
(4) Red Bulls, duh
(2) Five-Hour Energys (for around 3am)
(1) really fast computer
(at least 4) bags of your favorite candies (the best ones are represented above)
(1) extension cord, if worse comes to worst
(2) ethernet cables for SUPER FAST SPEEDS
(1) stick of deodorant, for when things get a bit too intense
(at least 2) ropes of beef jerky, for protein
(1) bag of Doritos (or equivalent), so you don’t grind your teeth