13 Candidates With Skills You Really Need To Vote For On Thursday

Obviously I'm voting for the snake breeder.

LinkedIn is difficult to get right at the best of times. It's even harder if you're running for office. So what skills do you put on your LinkedIn account if you do want to be an MP?

"Gym" is probably not one of them.

1. Typing

Via LinkedIn

Marie Jones is the Green Party candidate in Tumbridge Wells and one of her many skills is typing. A vital one, I'm sure we can all agree.

2. Windows XP

Via LinkedIn

Windows XP is twelve years old, but not to worry! Should the House of Commons need someone to remind staff how to use it, Alisdair Calder McGregor of the Lib Dems will be there to help.

3. Weapons

Via LinkedIn

I'm sure we all feel like there aren't enough people in the Commons with skills with...er...weapons... Luckily Simon Diggins of the Labour party is around to sort that out for us.

4. Herbalism

Via LinkedIn

Graham Crawford White of the Green Party reckons he's a pretty decent herbalist, and I have no reason to think otherwise.

5. Gym

Via LinkedIn

I definitely feel like there aren't enough hench lads wandering Westminster, and the only way to fix that is to vote for Chris Took, who genuinely claims that one of his skills is "Gym". So there you are.

6. Football

Via LinkedIn

Everyone loves a kick-about eyyyyyyy? Vote Naitta for state sponsored five-a-side.

7. Snake breeding (pythons mostly)

martinlyon / Via Pixabay

Wait...what? Stanley Guffogg is standing as the sole candidate for The Principles of Politics Party. The people of Cornwall should probably keep an eye out for this snake in the grass (sorry).

8. Pottery

Via LinkedIn

Jerry is a self employed Roman pottery consultant and one of his skills is...well...pottery. So yeah vote for Jerry and he'll make you some pots or something.

9. Calligraphy

Via LinkedIn

Graham Short, the UKIP candidate for Birmingham Edgbaston, is not only skilled in calligraphy, but also looking like a villain from a Sherlock Holmes novel.

10. Tenacious

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Wisdom Da Costa is not just tenacious, but also creative, adaptable, intellectual, visionary and has a high level of initiative. If you're not voting for this Independent candidate, what is actually wrong with you?

11. Golf

Via LinkedIn

Truly, it is the game of kings, and no fewer than eighteen other humans think Mark Flanagan is good at it. So that's the election sewn up for him, then.

12. Blogosphere

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"Woah dude let's go get some votes from the blogosphere." I imagine this UKIP candidate says to his campaign staff every day.

13. Gifts

Via LinkedIn

What a lovely gent.