1. Do you only eat hotdog buns?
2. Do you daydream ever?
3. Do you work for the CIA?
4. Are you polite to other pigeons?
5. How do you choose who to poop on?
6. Do you enjoy not moving in front of cars until the last second? What does that rush feel like?
7. Why you gotta be so mean?
8. Who taught you how to lurk so skillfully?
9. What do you think of the Beyoncé and Jay Z situation?
10. Are your feelings hurt by people thinking you’re gross? Or do you feel powerful?
11. Do you have your own pigeon police?
12. Have you ever had your heart broken?
13. Do you have pigeon families, or do you just do you?
14. Do you talk to other birds in the park?
15. Do you have strong opinions on Gaza? I feel like you read a lot of newspapers.
16. What do you think about the squirrels?
17. Are breadcrumbs tasty?
18. Do you have a pigeon headquarters that you all report to?
19. Do the animals in the Central Park Zoo kill your vibe?
20. Is there a king pigeon, and do you report to them?
21. When did you come here?
22. Where are your babies?
23. Where are your nests?
24. But really, where are your babies? (I promise I won’t hurt them. I just think you’d get more sympathy if people could see that you had babies.) Or are you really just dinosaurs who never age or get born, and that’s why you have no babies? Are you all immortal? Is that it?
25. Are you really just robots, and that’s why you have no babies?
26. Sicilian or regular pizza???
27. Who has the best bagels?
28. Is Williamsburg really that special?
29. Are your nests made out of French fries that you collect throughout the day?
30. Do you ever get a neck cramp?
31. Have you ever hugged?
32. What kind of music do you listen to?
33. How were your teenage years? Were they awkward?
34. Have you seen the whole world, and does it suck?
35. Do you ever look at your reflection and realize you don’t recognize yourself anymore?
36. Are you worried about “letting yourself go”?
37. What do you barter with?
38. Who is the most famous person you’ve pooped on?
39. How many degrees are you from Kevin Bacon?
40. Have you ever been drunk?
41. Who’s the cutest member of One Direction?
42. How do you feel about Mike Tyson? Is he a friend or just someone who mansplains away your life as a pigeon?
43. Do you actually mean to poop on people? Or do you just have…bowel issues?
44. Do you ever ride the subway for fun?
45. Do you sleep? If so…
47. Who do you work for?
48. Are women funny?