2. Did I just laugh with the wrong family member?
I did NOT anticipate how that joke was going to end, whoops.
5. I haven’t cursed yet, right? I don’t want to take the lord*’s name in vain!
*Lord = Beyoncé
6. How do I know if I’m supposed to get them a gift or not??!
7. Oh no, how much PDA is allowed here?
Can I hug? Is a kiss too much? Sitting next to them on the couch???
8. What if I don’t say enough silent grace before digging in???
Some people just say less grace than others, and that should be ok! Especially if I don’t typically even say grace or prayers.
9. Offering to clean up after myself isn’t offensive, right? I just want to help!
10. How do I explain my job without sounding like I’m making all of it up??
“Yeah, I really hone in on key SEO terms to help websites’ international growth blossom while maintaining an authentic consumer experience.”
11. Is my sense of humor too weird for other people?!
12. What if they make some crazy dish, and I have to pretend that I really love it?
“Oh, is this a family recipe? THEN IT IS DELICIOUS.”
13. Can I play dumb when it comes to pop culture terms so that I won’t have to explain them to ANYONE?
“Molly? Twerking? What are kids into these days? Haha, youths.”
14. Will they care if I spend too much time with the family pets instead of the actual family?
Sometimes, animals are just better.
15. If I’m very innocently texting my own family members, will I instead look like an arrogant butthole who cares too much about their phone to pay attention to the real people in front of them?
16. But, what if I snore in my sleep but don’t know it? Or drool?
17. What if I look like a TERRIBLE HOT MESS at breakfast???
I’ll just immediately apologize for the way I look as soon as I wake up. It’s safer that way.
18. WHAT IF I FORGET TO KNOCK ON THE BATHROOM DOOR AND SEE THINGS I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO EVER SEE?
19. WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU CALL SOMEONE BY THE WRONG NAME?
OH GOD. YOU WILL BE SHUNNED FOREVER.